Chapter 1

"I have, once again, devised a most ingenious method for bringing The United States of America to its knees."
"What choo talkin' 'bout Dracula"
"Ah, I'm glad you asked Steve from marketing."
Dracula flipped his blackboard around to show the gathered villains his evil plan.
"I propose" he said "that we break into the Whitehouse and... steal President Franklin Delano Roosevelts shoelaces. Without them, it'll be kinda annoying to walk places. Within hourse, chaos will spread throughout the nation, like...cheddar...spreading through...something that cheddar spreads through."

"Dracula" Steve from marketing started as he rose from his seat "that is, by far, the worst idea anyone has ever had about anything ever."
"Well," Dracula replied "I think we could get it to work if we-"
"No" Steve from marketing interupted "No, we couldn't. They sell shoelaces at the supermarket. Two dollars for a pack of 20. Even if they didn't, he could just wear loafers. FDR owns loafers. The worst part is, it already is kinda annoying for him to walk places. He has polio. He's paralysed from the waist down. You picked the one world leader incapable of walking and made a plan that relies on making him incapable of walking."

Steve from marketing walked up to Dracula, put his hands on his shoulders, looked him in the eye and said "still, it's the best plan we have. Make it so."

Author's Note

I already wrote the second and third chapters but they're on a piece of scrap paper and I can't really be bothered writing them up.