The Adventures of Detective Watts

Chapter 1: Enter von Borl

 

“Stop” shouted Detective Watts as he pursued the villainous Baron von Borl down a dark London alley.

“You have nowhere to run”

“Nowhere?” replied The Baron

“I never planned to run anywhere”

Detective Watts pulled his pistol from its holster and took aim.

“I planned to escape by running anywhen!” The Baron finished.

Von Borl pulled a golden pocket watch from his waistcoat and winded the hands back, cracking a gap in the space time continuum.

“Farewell my worthy foe. We shall meet again. Or should I say HAVE met again.”

And with those final words the villainous baron took leave of Victorian London and leapt into the past, leaving Watts to ponder his predicament.

 

Chapter 2: The Second Chapter

 

Meanwhile, in Parliament House The Order of Badasses were meeting and Churchill was addressing the crowd.

“Our nation faces its most dire threat. The Separatist raid on London, though damaging, was just a distraction. While we where fending off The Revolutionaries, Baron von Borl raided the tower of London and captured The Omega Watch. Detective Watts has been sent to retrieve the device but to pursue The Baron through the very Fabric of Time he will need our help.”

 

“Luckily Heir Churchill our scientists have veen vorking on zis very problem”

A shadowy figure with a bad German accent walked into the room.

“Ve have vecently managed to vreed a new svecies capavle of assizting in human time travel. Ve call it… Steve ze Vonder Horse”

“This horse, it could help us pursue von Borl” said Samuel L. Jackson

“Oh yez. It could help you. It could help you TO DIE!!! MUAHAHAHA” replied the kindly old scientist.

“That’s good enough for me. Someone get Watts” replied Churchill.

 

Chapter 3: Through the Tunnels of Time

 

Detective Watts mounted Stanley the Wonder horse and charged through the Streets of London building up momentum. Stanley hit 88 m/hr, 1.21 gigawatts of energy coursed through his veins and the adventurous duo burst through a crack in the sands of time and into The Fourth Dimension

 

Chapter 4: Napoleon and von Borl

 

Meanwhile in the past von Borl had arrived in ancient Russia where he gained an audience with the invading French Emperor, Napoleon.

“I can offer you technology decades ahead of your ancient society. Safety razors, ball point pens, reggae music! With these futuristic items the English forces are bound crumble before your armies” Said The Baron.

“These futuristic devices are indeed fabulous” said Napoleon as he leant forwards in his chair.

“Tell me more of this “Lilly Allen.”

“Stop right so fast” Incoherently babbled Detective Watts as he burst into The Tyrant’s Tent.

“What! How did you get here?” said Baron von Borl

“I guess you could say I have friends in time travelling horse places” replied Detective Watts.

“Guards” yelled Napoleon as he angrily leapt from his chair.

“This silly English type person displeases me. Seize him.” He finished

Pulling a ball point pen from his pocket Watts began to scribble on some paper.

“Don’t even think about it. I have technology you can’t even begin to start comprehending!”

“Curses” said von Borl.

“Foiled again.”

 

Chapter 5: Subplot Ahoy

 

“Fellow badasses.” Oscar Wilde said to what remained of The Order.

“Watts is no longer here to defend The Empire and our own numbers have been thinned by the recent Irish raid. Now Queen Isabella of Spain has come to destroy our shattered nation. Her fleet is massing in the English Channel and within 42 hours they will reach London and destroy what remains of our weakened capital.”

 

“We must call together our allies” Said Barack Obama as he rose to address The Order.

“The French Republic, The United States, Australia and Canada. Together we can repel these invaders.”

“I agree” Said Stephen Colbert

“Together I can do anything.”

“Your idea is truthy and your heart is right” said Churchill

“Obama, Colbert, Oscar Wilde and A Dinosaur, together you shall go to the four corners of the globe and unite the free people of the west. We shall call you… The Fellowship of Getting Canada to cover Our Arse.

 

Chapter 6: Back to Russia

 

Meanwhile in the past Watts was fighting through Napoleons personal guard with his ballpoint pen.

“Maybe this will help you get my point.” He wittily said as he disembowelled a guard with the tip of his pen.

Napoleon pulled a pistol from his holster, took aim at the detective and fired.

Watts quickly deflected it at a nearby guard killing him in a gruesome manner then leapt through the air and stabbed at Napoleons throat. Before he could strike, Baron von Borl deflected his writing implement with a Lilly Allen.

“Haha, I deflected your writing implement with a Lilly Allen” said von Borl

“Oh no, you deflected my writing implement with a Lilly Allen” said Watts

“Thank god, you deflected his writing implement with your Lilly Allen” said Napoleon.

 

 

 

Chapter 7: The Fellowship Visits France

 

“President Baggett, The Spanish Fleet fleet is attacking London and we need The French Governments help to repel them.”Said A Dinosaur

“I shall send my bravest army of Mimes”

“Well that was easy” said Oscar Wilde.

 

Chapter 8: Waterloo

 

“Charrrrge” The Duke of Wellington yelled as he attacked The French

“Curses” said Baron von Borl.

“Not even my prized Lilly Allen can fend off all these cretinous peasants.”

“it’s over von Borl. You have nowhen to run”

 “I would LOVE to stay and chat but I have an urgent meeting with Attila the Hun and I’m a few CENTURIES late” replied von Borl as he once again escaped into the past.

Watts whistled bringing Stanley the Wonder Horse to his side.

“Onward” said Watts as he mounted his faithful steed.

“For Britain!”

 

Chapter 9: The Order of Badasses

 

“If Detective Watts could make it back before the Spanish arrive” began Churchill as he stood before The Order

“Then the coming battle could be made much easier”

“There just isn’t enough time” said Emperor Norton

“Even though he has a time travelling horse and could get back here whenever he wants.”

“Yes” replied Churchill.

“I suppose your right.”

 

Chapter 10: The Spanish Fleet

 

Cannons tore through British Parliament as The Order of Badassess prepared for battle.

A young child rode a haggard looking horse into the hall and up to Churchill.

“Sir, I have news” he said.

“What is it my boy” replied Winston

“It’s The Fellowship of Getting Canada to Cover Our Arse sir, there back with The U.S Expeditionary force and some creepy mimes”.

“Excellent” replied Churchill

Churchill moved  out in front of The Order

“Colbert, Wilde, Obama and A Dinosaur were successful. Our allies are almost here. Now we launch the counter attack FOR BRITAAAAAIN!”

 

Chapter 11: Watts and The German

 

Watts and his time travelling steed tore out of the tunnels of time and into a dramatic scene.

“Quickly Stanley, to Huninia.”

“Not zo vast”

That German from a while ago was aiming a gun at Watts.

“Zis zilly zittle crusade of yourz, and your life are both over now. Wizout you zee Britizh Empire is doomed. Ze Zird Reich shall finazy achive world domination”

Detective Watts pulled his trusty ballpoint pent from its holster.

“You’ll never get away with this”

The German fired his pistol.

 

Chapter 12: Endgame

 

The Order of Badassess and what remained of The Imperial Navy moved out into the English Channel toward The Spanish Fleet.

“El Generalissimo, The British are launching a counterattack” said a young Spanish officer

“Muahaha there fleet is a shattered husk. This counterattack changes nothing. Soon the Empire will be ours.” Replied Queen Isabella

The Spanish ships let loose a punishing volley of cannon fire. Churchill skilfully knocked them out of the sky with his cigar and leapt onto the opposing ship.

“Ill handle this” said Isabella.

 She pulled a Reggae Music from her holster and moved across the ship to Churchill.

 

Chapter 13: Watts and Obama

 

The Germans fired his pistol but inches from Watts face Barack Obama leapt between them and caught the bullet between his teeth.

“Curses” yelled The German
Before Watts, Obama and The German could continue, time ripped before there eyes and Baron von Borl appeared.

“Im back baby”

 

 

Chapter 14: Reinforcements

 

Churchill grabbed some rope off the floor of the ship and lassoed Queen Isabella.

“I’ll come back later, I can see you’re a little Tied up”

“You can’t stop us. Soon England will fall and a second Spanish Empire will rise from the ashes of the old.”
“Wheel have too see about that” replied Churchill

 He moved towards the ships helm and steered it towards the rest of The Spanish fleet.

“Suddenly, through the smoke and gunpowder, England’s reinforcements became visible.”

Barack Obama (the one in the present not the one that’s in the past rescuing Detective Watts) stood at the front of the largest ship.

“THIS IS SPARTA” he yelled as they moved towards there enemies.

 

Chapter 15: Back to Watts

 

Von Borl rescued The German from our heroes and together the two villains leapt from the cliff and into another crack in time.

“After them” Obama yelled as he and Watts mounted Steve the Wonder Horse.

The two gallant heroes followed von Borl and The German through time towards the present day.

 

Chapter 16: Peace returns to London

 

The Mime Army stormed through The Streets of London, hunting down the remaining Spaniards.

“Watts and von Borl are still lost in time. Luckily Stanley The Wonder Horse’s brother Larry The Amazing Bike is still in London. Now we just need a hero take the Larry back in time and rescue him” said Churchill.

“Both I sir and my left pinkie are at your service” said Barrack Obama.

“Excellent” replied Churchill

“Then you and your pinkie will be entrusted with this task. Travel through time, find Watts and von Borl and retrieve The Omega watch”

 

 

 

The End of The Beginning

 

Sneak peak at Detective Watts 2: Detective Watts and The Spale

 

Chapter 1: Sunsplosion

 

“Our nation faces its greatest threat since last week”

Churchill had once again called together The Order of Badasses.

“The Irish Separatist Alliance have raided our military base on The Moon and captured the nuclear weapons stored within. They threaten to blow up the sun in 42 hours unless we give in to their demands.”

“These demands” began Samuel L. Jackson

“What are they.”

“They want us to deliver Queen Victoria to them”

“No” said A Dinosaur.

“There must be something else we can do”

“Our only hope is to contact Barack Obama and Detective Watts. With there time bending technology they could get to the moon base before the Separatists even got there.”

“But how?” said Oscar Wilde

“They have Stanley the Wonder Horse and Larry the Amazing Bike. The only other

time �" machine in existence is The Omega Watch and Baron von Borl stole that.”

“Maybe I could help you”

The German strolled out from the shadows towards The Order.

“I have constructed anuzer devize. I call it ze Spale”

“Spale? We could use it to track down The Detective and Obama” replied A Dinosaur.

“Yez…of couse.”

 

Note: This is an unofficial parody of any celebrities celebrity mentioned.  Don’t sue (:

Reviews

[AbsentElements]

This is very... interesting. I honestly didn't expect that. It's a humorous take on a story that ties in well with a comic book. And yes the horse quote is pretty funny by the way. I especially love the order of badasses :}.

[Detective Watts]

WooT 100 views