What Did You Do?

Make your own decisions, they said to you.

Do what you want to do, do what you need to do.

First of all trust us and think only of us.

You owe us so much, they don’t say but you think they do.

You owe them so much, they don’t say, but you know you do.

Take back the bad you’ve done, and all the good you’ve not;

Start from the beginning, and look on back.

There was more to your hurt,

Than that one heart attack "

It’s not always the girl, but the way you were raised

Not even the way you were raised, but the circumstances

That changed the choices, and caused the mistakes

And the broken divorces, that left you defenseless

So full of anger at them and yourself,

You can forgive them, but never yourself

Because you look in the mirror and the choices were yours

To run, and to hide, to say your goodbyes.

You keep your mouth shut, when you need to open up

And let them know how you feel,

That you’ve been drowning for near to two years,

Maybe even more, but it finally caught up with you

Lost all your morals, started drinking and toking,

What the hell were you smoking, the joke is a joke

But It makes the point, that I’m trying to make to you

Boy look what you did to the life that you lead

You can’t even speak to your closest of kin,

And the ones who care about you;

Because you’re afraid for no reason

Like that they will look at you with fear and disdain

And say, “You aren’t no son of mine,

So get with the times, and vamoose. Scoot.”

You know you are loved, you know that they care

You see it in how they always are there,

Even when you screw up, and your head gets loose

Even when you say those stupid things that you do

To get out of the room, and to get out of the way,

But you know that it’s true that if you had stayed

Maybe you’d have jumped, or even had drowned

The voices in your head are waiting to get out,

Because they know that you’re weak.

You let them become strong,

Your demons have been there for way too long.

You’ve hated your own skin, and the life you were assigned

Even though you wanted to be a father,

You’re confused all the time, because the messages sent

By those around you, make you jealous of something

You swore was yours, and your faith was shot

By seeing things darkly, and you see a light

But can’t reach out to it, already your putting off

Seeking so quickly, you’ve barely started

And you’re putting it off

For pleasure, for profit, for games, for nothing.

You can’t wrap your head around it,

So you don’t even want to,

That little boy who believed

He’s been chained deep within you.

You’re a scared little creature

Who doesn’t know who he is,

I promise you this you’ve got to let it all out,

Because the demons inside will come out in the night

And take you and break you and cut with a knife

And remove all the pieces that make you, you

And you’ll wake up in the morning thinking

“What did you do?”