Gift Exchange

Gift Exchange

 

You tried to cut me down

You fell and tried to pull me with you

You wanted to share your misery

Make your tears my own

Tear out your own skin and make me be the one to bleed

 

I have you all figured out

Now

 

It took me awhile

But I can flip you inside out

Read every wrinkle on you

As if it were a map to your soul

 

I know where you come from

And how hard you work at your goals

But that was just it

You

 

I didn’t fit in the picture

Or maybe

I was just part of your pretty little picture

 

Where’s your picket fence?

Masking the American dream

 

Pretty thing on your arm

Smile and wave here and there

Speak only when spoken to

 

I was never good at following orders

And I was never good at taking other peoples pain

 

If you deserve what you get

Then keep it for yourself

 

I let go of the leash because you pulled too hard

My hand and fingers were bruising and aching

 

And I simply wanted to let go

 

It was the first thing I had ever done for myself

 

I’m better now

And for once

I don’t have to force my feelings

They just seep out of me

Honest and true

 

And for once

 

Just once

 

I’m happier

I’m happy

 

I did something for me

Author's Note

Not sure what to say about this at the time, so

Enjoy!

Reviews

[Wórdsmíth]

I think, that's really an amazin' one as i saw. words're nice.

[Steve]

I enjoyed. If this is true for you then ....... Great! No one should ever give up their freedom on order to enable another persons nuttiness. I'm glad to read this empowering poem.

[Augustus]

A good write. Some good metaphors at work here. My favorite lines:
"Tear out your own skin and make me be the one to bleed"
and
"And I simply wanted to let go
It was the first thing I had ever done for myself"

I agree a lot with Frieda's review below. As far as the negatives are concerned, I think the poem is a tad too long. Chopping off a few lines would have made it more crisp and it would have packed a bigger punch. Also, it tends to get rather prosaic in places. If you compare some of the lines with the ones that I have quoted, you'll realize that they're not up to the same standard. If you are able to maintain that consistency throughout, it will be a far superior poem. A good effort nonetheless.

[KAOlmsted]

I've been chipping away at my RR mountain and I kept seeing this one in the distance and I finally got there...woo! I love these pieces of yours, and this one especially, because the ending made me smile. Good on ya...really terrific write.

[Joe]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh So Heartfelt Baby (sigh)

Fav Lines:

"And I simply wanted to let go
It was the first thing I had ever done for myself" / Awesome Key Lines!

and

"I’m happy
I did something for me" / Ahhhhhh These Lines Tell A Thousand Words! (sigh)

Enjoyed Destinyxi :) xoxo

[Frieda P]

Hardly sounds like a gift, good rant of a poem. You put a lot of you in this one...

'Tear out your own skin and make me be the one to bleed'

Great line, I think you could almost leave out 'be the one', it's more emphatic that way...nicely pen'd.

[B-poet]

Doing what's best for yourself is one of the best self-esteem boosters anyone can partake in. Great illustration of this within your poem. Great job. :)

[Invisible]

got a little confused throughout but i like it ok.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very wise ending to the poem. Hard to learn. We must do the right things for us. Nice flow of thoughts leading to a excellent ending. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote

[gombeggar]

interesting interaction here...at least it ends on a happy satisfied note fer u...sometimes in the end that's all the counts