Sunny Stars

Sunny Stars

 

You can bring me down

Hell, you can hurt me too

But when the day is over

The sun goes down

And the moon takes that

Position in the sky

With the stars scattered

Opposing the blackness

I’ll be the one still here

 

You can follow the sun

It’ll burn you up

But I’m sitting on the moon, boy

I’m drenching myself in the night

In the coldness

I’m opposing the darkness

Along with the stars

And you?

You’re catching fire with the sun

 

You can drag me to hell

Throw me in the fire

Have the flames lick at my skin

Leave me with scars

Deform me

But you can’t ever get inside me

I have barriers

That not even fire

Not even knives

Not even your words

Not even your rejection

Can push through

 

I know

I’m good with you

But I’m so much better

Without you

 

We can’t ever be together

The sun and the moon

One replaces the other

We’re never together

Never near at the same time

And if we are

Were on opposite ends

Of the sky

 

The clouds can be your friends

But the stars are mine

And you see

When the moon is up

There are stars

But there can also be clouds

But when the sun is up

There are only clouds

Never stars

 

Do you know why?

Because they’d rather be in my company

In the company of the moon

Rather than in your company

In the company of the sun

 

The days always end

The sun always goes down

And the moon takes over

The moon replaces you

I replace you

While you’re burning

Chasing after the sun

Author's Note

Those close to me will probably know what this ones about.

Enjoy!

Reviews

[James William Dyer]

I really enjoyed reading this. "Have the flames lick at my skin
Leave me with scars
Deform me", this was a wonderful example of what I call dwindling meter, always love the sound of it, and great descriptions. I feel like you repeated the notion of the Sun/Moon opposition a bit too much, which added to the poem's length. I really liked how the Speaker's Voice came through in this. My one other criticism would be the title, the "sunny stars" didn't work for me, it doesn't form an accurate image in my mind.

[Destinyxi]

haha you really like short poems huh? Second time you mention that the length of my poem could have been shorter.

'Sunny stars' was the first thing that came to mind, so I just went with it :)

Thanks for your review!

[James William Dyer]

I think this poiem would be fine being long, it was the repition of an idea, the opposition of the sun and moon, but still, that could be employed to make the reader think of the redundancy of the sun coming up and going down up and down up and down.......I like the poem, but in my opinion things like "the day always ends the sun always goes down", lines like this you could reword or take out because they say the same things that are implied earlier in the poem.

[Destinyxi]

I suppose I can remove it, but in essays, the conclusions always restate the ideas in the essay :P I guess I sort of took that format haha.

[James William Dyer]

I always rattle my brain looking for criticisms, cause that's what I figure is usually helpful, but sometimes I end up being hyperecriutical. Only you can decide weather the advice works or not, since it's your creation, right? I enjoyed reading this, I did.

[Destinyxi]

yes haha. I don't take criticism too well though xD as you can probably see. It's also damn hard for me to touch my poems after I'm done writing them. I don't touch them unless there's a spelling mistake :P

[James William Dyer]

I'm constantly re-raping the poems I write. But I hear most people feel a poem should be left untouched after its initial conception. This is a good poem, no need to tear it apart.

[Destinyxi]

thank you :) and I guess it depends on the writer whether or not they touch their poem or not after it's written

[gombeggar]

good work...but wut about solar eclipses? aren't u together then? ;)

[Destinyxi]

didn't think of that ;)

[khalid]

it is not important to know who it was about, it is more important how feelings were described here and since you have described them in such a nice way, i think it is a very nice poem.

[Destinyxi]

Yeah the feelings are definitely more important than who this poem is about :)

[de_maruf]

excellent

[Destinyxi]

thanks :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

A very mixed piece with sadness mixed with anger and hurt. He is the sun seems to say he means so much to you. You being the moon feel cold and in a dark place, abandoned but trying hard to distance yourself from the hurt he has caused. This emotive work is well described.

[Destinyxi]

Thank you =D

[That_Girl]

Ohhhh yes. Yes! This is fantastic. It's playful but rough and the referneces to the sun/moon/stars is hella wicked.

"I know
I’m good with you
But I’m so much better
Without you" and don't you ever forget it girl. :)

[Destinyxi]

I'm glad you liked that stanza haha. I was debating to remove it! I found that it didn't really go well with the other stanzas.

Thanks for your review!

[Baby Ricochet]

Love the interplay between masculine and feminine symbols in this piece. I'm a cancer and I love the moon.

[That_Girl]

I'm a Cancer too! Woo! Cancers unite! Heh... yeah I know, lame.

[Destinyxi]

I'm a leo haha. Thanks for the review!

[Baby Ricochet]

Leo: Fixed fire sign. How many Leos does it take to change a light bulb? One and for all the other signs to shout Halleluiah when she does.

[Destinyxi]

lol wtf? :P

[Baby Ricochet]

Cancer: Cardinal Water sign. How many Cancer's does it take to change a light bulb? One, depending on his mood then he'll spend 20 minutes telling you how he feels about light and dark.

[That_Girl]

lmao weirdo....

[That_Girl]

Hahaha moods... so true.

[Baby Ricochet]

It's said that Leos crave the spot light and love to be the center of attention. President Obama is a Leo.

[That_Girl]

I hate the spotlight.

And that isn't surprising.

[Baby Ricochet]

President Bush was a cancer

[That_Girl]

lol what are you getting at babe?

[Baby Ricochet]

Bush was quoted to say he relied on "his gut." Intuition is a cancer trait and since he's been out of office it's rumored he's had to struggle with depression. Cancers are prone to depression.

[That_Girl]

Yes and yes. All quite true. :)

[Baby Ricochet]

Oprah is an Aquarius: Fixed air sign. Air is all about communication. Oprah's network is called OWN. You think that's a coincidence? I believe when all the planets are lined up just right if you go outside, twirl around three times and say Oprah Oprah Oprah, money falls from the sky. I keep trying. So far Zippo.

[That_Girl]

D****t! Nothing O does is a coincidence. She may annoy the hell out of me but she's come a long way. Now she's a narcissist. Yayyy.

I want her money... oh just imagine the things I could do with it... yessss.

[Baby Ricochet]

If I'm wrong about the money and free cars start falling from the sky my neighboors will be so pissed

[That_Girl]

Hmmm yes but honestly, if free cars are falling from the sky, who's actually going to blame you?

[Baby Ricochet]

WaIt that's true. No one ever suspects a baby.

[That_Girl]

Nope. Certainly not one as innocent as you. :p

[John Stussy]

I really like the way you used the duality of the sun and moon to describe yourself and a guy. The sun is usually portrayed as masculine, and I enjoyed how you brought up that the moon always has more company. No surprise there, lasses are more pretty than dudes. :P This was awesome, think this is a new favorite by you. Your imagery was perfect!

[Destinyxi]

I never knew the sun was portrayed as masculine o.o

Thank you John! Glad you liked it

[John Stussy]

Yep, in quite a lot of ancient histories haha. Thank you for sharing this, it was awesome to read. :)

[Crazy Cat Man]

I love this poem and i love the metaphors of the different personalities using the stars and clouds. moon and sun. and i actually know idea what the poem is really about lol

great piece

[Destinyxi]

Thank you Dan! The sun and moon part kind of just came to me as I was writing, wasn't my intention. Glad you liked it!

[B-poet]

You should get this one published. Your contrast as to why the stars aren't in the company of the sun is very well defined. Great write. I really enjoyed reading this poem.

[Destinyxi]

Haha, thank you, maybe I should :P Thanks for the review and for reading!