Sunny Stars

Sunny Stars

 

You can bring me down

Hell, you can hurt me too

But when the day is over

The sun goes down

And the moon takes that

Position in the sky

With the stars scattered

Opposing the blackness

I’ll be the one still here

 

You can follow the sun

It’ll burn you up

But I’m sitting on the moon, boy

I’m drenching myself in the night

In the coldness

I’m opposing the darkness

Along with the stars

And you?

You’re catching fire with the sun

 

You can drag me to hell

Throw me in the fire

Have the flames lick at my skin

Leave me with scars

Deform me

But you can’t ever get inside me

I have barriers

That not even fire

Not even knives

Not even your words

Not even your rejection

Can push through

 

I know

I’m good with you

But I’m so much better

Without you

 

We can’t ever be together

The sun and the moon

One replaces the other

We’re never together

Never near at the same time

And if we are

Were on opposite ends

Of the sky

 

The clouds can be your friends

But the stars are mine

And you see

When the moon is up

There are stars

But there can also be clouds

But when the sun is up

There are only clouds

Never stars

 

Do you know why?

Because they’d rather be in my company

In the company of the moon

Rather than in your company

In the company of the sun

 

The days always end

The sun always goes down

And the moon takes over

The moon replaces you

I replace you

While you’re burning

Chasing after the sun

Author's Note

Those close to me will probably know what this ones about.

Enjoy!

Reviews

[James William Dyer]

I really enjoyed reading this. "Have the flames lick at my skin
Leave me with scars
Deform me", this was a wonderful example of what I call dwindling meter, always love the sound of it, and great descriptions. I feel like you repeated the notion of the Sun/Moon opposition a bit too much, which added to the poem's length. I really liked how the Speaker's Voice came through in this. My one other criticism would be the title, the "sunny stars" didn't work for me, it doesn't form an accurate image in my mind.

[Destinyxi]

haha you really like short poems huh? Second time you mention that the length of my poem could have been shorter.

'Sunny stars' was the first thing that came to mind, so I just went with it :)

Thanks for your review!

[James William Dyer]

I think this poiem would be fine being long, it was the repition of an idea, the opposition of the sun and moon, but still, that could be employed to make the reader think of the redundancy of the sun coming up and going down up and down up and down.......I like the poem, but in my opinion things like "the day always ends the sun always goes down", lines like this you could reword or take out because they say the same things that are implied earlier in the poem.

[Destinyxi]

I suppose I can remove it, but in essays, the conclusions always restate the ideas in the essay :P I guess I sort of took that format haha.

[James William Dyer]

I always rattle my brain looking for criticisms, cause that's what I figure is usually helpful, but sometimes I end up being hyperecriutical. Only you can decide weather the advice works or not, since it's your creation, right? I enjoyed reading this, I did.

[Destinyxi]

yes haha. I don't take criticism too well though xD as you can probably see. It's also damn hard for me to touch my poems after I'm done writing them. I don't touch them unless there's a spelling mistake :P

[James William Dyer]

I'm constantly re-raping the poems I write. But I hear most people feel a poem should be left untouched after its initial conception. This is a good poem, no need to tear it apart.

[Destinyxi]

thank you :) and I guess it depends on the writer whether or not they touch their poem or not after it's written

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the company of the moon also. Always showed up and is kind to the people of the night. Good story in the poem. People will change. Old Moon will always be in the night sky for us. Thank you for the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Kes]

This is very cool. The third stanza's fantastic.
Great work!
K

[Rob Santana]

Drag me to hell.....I like that line. Speak your mind Destinyxi!!!! Hope you feel better..

[Pratik]

That was a nice comparison... I see the metaphors in them,, the sun representing a fierce, proud, flashy entity and the moon a benign but a sturdy, rocky form.... They represent the two different personalities at the two ends of the spectrum and triumph of the humble soul.. i liked your descriptions... But I agree with James's review... I don't have anything against long poems ( I myself write them) but the ideas were repetitive ... otherwise it was an enjoyable read :)

[Hester Vane]

Beautiful once again!

[John Phoenix Hutchinson..]

A vivid poem from first to last and very enjoyable to this poet, poet.

[Destinyxi]

thank you!

[kublakhan27]

I would say this is one of the more visually vivid things you've written in the last while...relaying emotions is your thing, and you still do that very well in this one, but the lunar imagery adds another dimension to it and a touch of mystery even...well-done again Kels :)

[Destinyxi]

Yeah this is definitely much more vivid and descriptive than my other poems, felt good to write something different :)

thanks for your review steve!

[kublakhan27]

Very true :) as always you're welcome :)

[Ees]

I like the way that this is laced with a bit of rebellion!
Brilliant bit about the sun and the moon never being able to be together because one replaces the other. Amazing! Read that bit like an epiphany!
You sound a bit like a taunting child when you talk about the stars only wanting to be near you, the moon.
The last stanza was a beautiful finish.
Nice work!

[Destinyxi]

Haha a taunting child :P

Thanks for your review Ees!

[Ees]

Haha. Yes, I am sticking with that taunting child statement.
And you know I love reading your work!

[Destinyxi]

I know, I love reading yours too! :)

[axel]

well epressed, good poem

[Destinyxi]

thanks!