Sliding Ribbon

Sliding Ribbon

 

My head is pounding

You want to get out

You’re punching at the walls

Of my oversensitive mind

 

My eyes are closing

The pain is too much to bear

You’re so relentless

Scratching and clawing

 

My hands are trembling

I’d drag you out if I could

You do me no good

You do yourself no good

 

My heart is pumping

You’re making me anxious

I want you to get out

Get out of my thoughts

 

You slide your way

Through the ribbons

Of my ideas

Looking through the windows

Of my mind

The windows

That show you my insides

You find yourself at the bottom

Of this long, swirling slide

Right to the place between my eyes

So you roll my eyes backwards

And roll yourself out

You roll yourself free

Out of my thoughts

But taking the glimpses

Of my insides with you

 

My head is pounding

And my eyes are hurting

My hands are shaking

And my heart is thumping

You’re never getting back in

It never did me any good

And it never did you any good

Author's Note

So, I have a headache, and to get rid of the headache, I wrote this poem. It's a bit..unusual. I don't know what I was trying to get at.

But, as usual, I'm sharing it with you guys :)
You know the drill, let me know what you think! (so I don't feel like a complete weirdo)

Oh, and check out the picture, it's pretty

Reviews

[SamanthaMarie]

I thought it was about a rotten relationship, the person constantly plaguing your mind, until finally they leave. But with so much of you still attached.

[John Stussy]

Maybe a bit different in inspiration than most poems but I liked it. You tell them headaches! Did it work, attempting to write it away? Either way, fun poem to read, and I've naught to complain about with this one. And yes the picture is pretty. :P

[kublakhan27]

Haha I actually have a headache myself (probably due to sleep deprivation) and this just "sounds" like a headache, or something one would write while having to endure one...luckily for you, you can still write (and write well cuz this is really good :)) whereas I just get kind of blobbish lol

[Destinyxi]

I find I wrote sort of 'blobbish' too. I generally think this poem is weird haha :P but maybe I'm being too hard on myself

[kublakhan27]

I think you're being too hard on yourself...this is a really eloquent and lyrical portrayal of a theme that does not usually lend itself to eloquence and lyricism :)

[Matt Gandee]

Haha, I read the poem before reading your notes, and, well, given the other work of yours I'd seen, I totally sexualised the entire thing in my head (eyes rolling back, glimpses of insides, etc.)... Don't worry, I re-read it after I realised what it was actually about! Still feeling like a total perv, though. You must've really set yourself a precedent in my mind with your sultry stuff. :P

But hey, take it as a compliment that your poem is open to such vast interpretation... Cryptic = Good!

[Destinyxi]

Yeesh, I'm not all about erotica! :P

haha, that's kind of funny, but I guess it can come across as... sort of erotic, kinda, maybe, just a teeny weeny bit. lol.

Thanks for your review!

[axel]

well the wordings make a point ,good poem

[Destinyxi]

Thank you!

[gombeggar]

i think it's fantastic...although the idea of a headache or pain is plain...it's still very sultry, girl...nice word play and structure

[Destinyxi]

Sultry? How?

[gombeggar]

certainly seems so by your wording...of course i do have a dirty mind to begin with

[Destinyxi]

haha, might be your mind, I can't image this poem being.. sultry. Or, at least, that wasn't my intention while writing it

[gombeggar]

well good piece none the less ;)

[Steven Cash]

And what is it about?

[Destinyxi]

Read the authors note

[Steven Cash]

gotcha :) sorry

[Destinyxi]

not a problem :)

[That_Girl]

lol I never actually thought it was about a headache. It sounds more like something someone with schizophrenia or whatever would write. Like about an internal demon or something. :) Haha I love it!

[Destinyxi]

Haha, yeah it kinda does o.o I'm glad you like it :)

[That_Girl]

lol crazy girl. ;)

[Destinyxi]

now now, if I'm crazy then you're just insane. So HA!

[That_Girl]

Oh buuuuuuull. ;) You belong in a ward... for people like you. ;) HA

[Destinyxi]

yeah where you're the head leader :P

[That_Girl]

.....we can co-lead... final offer. ;)

[Destinyxi]

fine fine

[That_Girl]

Atta girl. ;)

[Crazy Cat Man]

great piece and im sorry for your headache. it sucks that bad things have to happened to us in order for us to write great poems

I want you to get out
Get out of my thoughts

Ohhh how i felt like that many times. awesome piece

[Destinyxi]

It's alright, it's gone now :)

Thanks for your review Dan!

[Crazy Cat Man]

im glad ur headache is gone now :D