Sliding Ribbon

Sliding Ribbon

 

My head is pounding

You want to get out

You’re punching at the walls

Of my oversensitive mind

 

My eyes are closing

The pain is too much to bear

You’re so relentless

Scratching and clawing

 

My hands are trembling

I’d drag you out if I could

You do me no good

You do yourself no good

 

My heart is pumping

You’re making me anxious

I want you to get out

Get out of my thoughts

 

You slide your way

Through the ribbons

Of my ideas

Looking through the windows

Of my mind

The windows

That show you my insides

You find yourself at the bottom

Of this long, swirling slide

Right to the place between my eyes

So you roll my eyes backwards

And roll yourself out

You roll yourself free

Out of my thoughts

But taking the glimpses

Of my insides with you

 

My head is pounding

And my eyes are hurting

My hands are shaking

And my heart is thumping

You’re never getting back in

It never did me any good

And it never did you any good

Author's Note

So, I have a headache, and to get rid of the headache, I wrote this poem. It's a bit..unusual. I don't know what I was trying to get at.

But, as usual, I'm sharing it with you guys :)
You know the drill, let me know what you think! (so I don't feel like a complete weirdo)

Oh, and check out the picture, it's pretty

Reviews

[Tom]

I enjoy the colloquial language and form you use in your poems, it creates a conversational element to them that lends to reality and avoids the abstract pitfall that we poets often fall into. There is always a glimmer of humor or defiance in your work, I feel that your pen has teeth ready to bite back at anything that attempts to control it. There is an assured self confidence that I think is great to see in a writer.

[Kes]

I really love this. It's very different from your usual stuff - I just think it's brilliant. I get headaches and migraines a lot (I think too much!), so I know it's horrible.
I love the idea of someone being inside your head too. It's something I've toyed with in poetry before, but never really used effectively - like you have here.
Keep up the great work!!
K

[Ees]

"I don't know how you got in there, but you're in there now."- that's from a song. Can't think of which one right now, but it popped into my head right now. The dude who crawled into my head likes to play it on the jukebox.

Your poem is very easy to relate to in my opinion. It seems like a feeling that most people have experienced.

I really like that this poem is a really mini story in that the (inner)conflict is resolved at the end. Great job.

[Sakshi]

an interesting read. especially one when reaches to the author's note :D
and yes the picture is pretty.

keep writing, Cheers!

[Jazmen]

this has pretty awesome visuals.. I wish you would've kept describing and brought the ideas to a particular scenic place only you can create with all these slides and windows.. it's like you could write a whole poem based on the fantasy land that almost bloomed from the 5th stanza.
Keep writing. Thanks for sharing

[Sagar Waingankar]

Pretty enough for the pic and piece! Write can't be pretty enough as it mostly seem to release hurt feelings! Yet it demonstrates the writer's dilemma through every stanza! Thanks for sharing!

[Hester Vane]

The picture is pretty! I think this poem is great, a real good example of a great use of metaphor! Brilliant

[Coyote Poetry]

Good cure for headaches is strawberries or cranberry juice. A very good poem. When pain is in charge. Release of the pain is needed. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Bewitching Sensations]

I thought it was a spirit inside you trying to get out :)
nice poem

[afra]

beautiful poem ....