Everyone's Enemy

Haiku? Maybe? I don't know.. isn't it too short to be a poem? o.o

Everyone’s Enemy

 

You once told me

It’s me and you

Against the world

 

You joined the world

Now I’m against you all

Author's Note

It was in my head as I was walking home from school, I jotted it down when I got home.

Reviews

[gombeggar]

hah...know that felling too

[John Stussy]

One of those brutal "truths about life" that happens too often for my own liking. I agree with kublakahn, the shortness of the poem gives it more of an impact. Like a slap to the face made with words. Still, it's one of the truths that I wish you didn't have to learn often, or at all. You deserve a better, more beautiful truth. Keep up the awesome writing, won't be you against the world for long.

[Destinyxi]

Thank you Johnny boy, I hope I won't be against the world for too long :P

[John Stussy]

It won't be, you're too awesome for that. Only the lame people stay against the world for long. :P Trust me, I know!

[Destinyxi]

psh if you're referring to yourself, I'm going to steal that hat of yours.

[John Stussy]

Good luck, a real cowboy never parts with his hat ;)

[Destinyxi]

We shall just see about that ;)

[John Stussy]

Oh, you sure you wanna saddle that bronco? :P

[Destinyxi]

Sure, why not?

[John Stussy]

Best hang on tight then beautiful and enjoy the ride. ;) Cause that's all you're gonna get, that hat is off-limits!

[Destinyxi]

Pshhh it's called sharing Johnny boy

[John Stussy]

Hey I'm down with sharing... Just not my hat. :)

[That_Guy]

I say this to my little sister all the time. hopefully she doesn't switch sides. I liked this, well done

[Destinyxi]

That's cute that you say it to your sister :) I don't think I've ever said it to mine o.o

read moreThat's cute that you say it to your sister :) I don't think I've ever said it to mine o.o

Thanks for the review

[kublakhan27]

This is an undisputed poem Kels haha Sometimes these bits are flexible and can be worked into longer pieces but I think the sentiment in this one would lose its bite in the process...less is most certainly more here :)

[kublakhan27]

Okay, one little thing :P I usually don't make suggestions (unless they're sought out, which is rare lol) but "me and you" could be "you and me" which would rhyme the first two lines almost perfectly and give it a bit of flow, but again, that's merely an observation...I still like this one either way :)

[That_Guy]

sorry to piggy back on this but personally I'm not a fan or rhyming the same words. just my two cents

[kublakhan27]

Well, it's up to the writer ultimately.

[Destinyxi]

To be honest, I first had it written as 'you and me', but then I noticed that two lines ended in 'me' and changed it. I have this thing with two lines ending in the same word, big no no for me haha. But I agree Steve, the flow would have been better, but I'm not about flow :P

Thank you for the review!

[kublakhan27]

No problem :)

[de_maruf]

briefly well descrbed

[Destinyxi]

Thanks! haha =D

[LuthienThalia]

No, it's not too short for a poem. There's a particular poem, I don't remember if it had a different name, but the only thing the poem consisted of was:
"No."

So, you have a perfectly acceptable poem.

[Destinyxi]

Thank you! Glad you liked it :)

[That_Girl]

Can't be a haiku because the syllables/lines are incorrect. I'd just call it a poem. :) But anyways, I like it a lot! For such a short piece, it packs a punch. Well done!

[Destinyxi]

Hm.. ok thanks for letting me know, I wasn't sure what the heck it was lol. Never written a short poem before. Thanks for the review Avy!