Looking is fine and natural, men cant help it.. But i agree had exs like that, when they leer and drool and then flirt openly....its disrespecting the woman they are with.. making her feel worthless and not cherished. I dont think they realize how much we get hurt and silently take it in behind the false smile.. i did mention it once to one of my exs.. His response was '
" ok i wont do it when i am in front of you, just do it when you are not around" :) thats men for you.. But i must say have been with some that look yes and glance but doesn,t drool and flirt... fantastic poem !!!!!!
This made me smile in an, I'll admit, arrogant manner. I'll tell you why in a moment.
As a poem, this is well done and well thought out. You have a good grasp of how to format to drag the reader's eyes down the page. Each line is punctuated by feeling and truth. Your words are simple, the meaning clear and strong. Everything seems to be great in terms of spelling and grammar. I've often seen missteps in poems on this site, little spelling mistakes or odd bits of phrasing. Not here though.
Now, for the arrogant smile I mentioned.
You've only got one side of the story, one camera angle of the tale. You don't have a male's point of view. And there is not one hint of the reverse. I'll admit though, this could be about two girls. But for now I'll work from one assumption.
First things first. Why do we look? Because we can, because we not so secretly want what we don't have. We froth at the mouth for what we can't. When I say that I mean humans in general, not just one gender. We're all slaves to our lusts in one form or another. You could just as well ask yourself, why do you have to have more than five pairs of shoes, such an extensive wardrobe? Why all the possessions? Why can you not admire just one painting? Listen to one song over and over?
Simple. Boredom.
Make no mistake. Every human on the planet has cheating eyes. It's in our nature. Of course, as logical beings we have the ability to rise above. I won't burden you with my own personal life stories, likely you wouldn't believe them anyway.
So lastly, and partially because I'm the type of person who likes to antagonize, I want to rearrange something in the poem.
"Now tell me why you’re blinded
By the fact that
There’s a guy standing
Right in front of you
With a pair of shoulders
That you’ve never seen
A strong, handsome face
That you can’t forget
A wide, masculine smile
That takes your breath away"
"Now why don’t you tell me
What in hell's name
You’re doing looking at what
You can’t have
And not trying to capture
What’s within your grasp
And leaning over you
Begging to be taken"
Something to think about, no? Women aren't the only ones that long to be loved for who they are. Besides, I would rather love a person with cheating eyes than a cheating heart and body.
Great poem by the way.
-Caradoc
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
That is by far the longest review I have ever had :P
I never once said that it is only.. read moreThat is by far the longest review I have ever had :P
I never once said that it is only men that cheat with their eyes, women do too. I'm just talking about an experience and in this case, a guy doing it. I don't write from a guys point of view, though I can, but I am a girl so I don't bother.
Thank you for the review! I'm actually starting to like long reviews thanks to you :P
12 Years Ago
Hahaha. Well, I'm glad I didn't come off to hostile, as that was not my intent. As you have a pet pe.. read moreHahaha. Well, I'm glad I didn't come off to hostile, as that was not my intent. As you have a pet peeve about people trying to rewrite your poetry, which I also hate by the way, I have one about seeing things from only one point of view, especially as it relates to gender and relationships. My response is fueled only by this poem and the feelings it evoked. I cast no aspersions on you. We should not be condemned for how we craft our art.
As for gender point of view, I'm a guy and I have written a few things that are from a females point of view, mainly in stories. I seek to understand, to know.
i agree Caradoc with most of what you say.. but in my experience men that drool and cheat with their.. read morei agree Caradoc with most of what you say.. but in my experience men that drool and cheat with their eyes and flirt usually have a cheating heart and body.. in my experience x
12 Years Ago
Sadly it goes both ways. The number of people who can look and flirt, but not cheat with body and/or.. read moreSadly it goes both ways. The number of people who can look and flirt, but not cheat with body and/or heart, are few and far between. You have only to hear of broken hearts the world over to know the truth of that.
Good luck in the quest for a man whose heart cheats not. Be well.
-Caradoc
12 Years Ago
Thankyou Caradoc.. must be one out there somewhere :)
Wow, again another a great write! I love this and I totally know what you're talking about. I have a few guy friends that are like that. I do have to admit I have a crush on one of them, I stand there wanting to be noticed but they just stare at another girl that's already taken. I just want to slap him or whistle to get his full attention. Why bother? If he really he wants me, he should show it. If he doesn't then so be it! That's his loss right? Think of your situation like that:) Wonderful job.
Ashley Rivers-- your friend ;)
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
I know! You could do the same and see how they like it. I'm sure it'd bug the heck out of them but h.. read moreI know! You could do the same and see how they like it. I'm sure it'd bug the heck out of them but hey, revenge is sweet ;)
12 Years Ago
To be honest, they might not actually care who I go out and date! They could really care less! Haha .. read moreTo be honest, they might not actually care who I go out and date! They could really care less! Haha but it's worth a shot though. Yeah revenge's wonderful ;D
12 Years Ago
Yeah it's definitely worth a shot. I know most of my guy friends get jealous when I talk about other.. read moreYeah it's definitely worth a shot. I know most of my guy friends get jealous when I talk about other guys, it's annoying because they talk about other girls all the time.
12 Years Ago
Yeah, I know! I do have one particular guy friend that really gets bothered when I mention a guy in .. read moreYeah, I know! I do have one particular guy friend that really gets bothered when I mention a guy in front of him. It drives him insane. But me and him once had a chance in the past, he blew it and went after my best friend. He always flirts with me and tries to get us together, but nicely I say 'Look, boy you had your chance'. :)
Haha you tell him girl, his loss is another mans gain :P It's just too bad that he missed out. read moreHaha you tell him girl, his loss is another mans gain :P It's just too bad that he missed out.
Reminds me of this poem: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/Destinyxi/986746/
I wrote it about a similar experience that happened to me :)
12 Years Ago
Haha, I will :) and I'll check it out. :)
12 Years Ago
been there done that .. the same as they did to me to a bloke.. they go absolutely mad .. lol ;)
I really like the concept or topic behind this, those roving eyes, those chasing men, and the women who must endure such lack of diplomacy?
Again, I find how you write about relationship appealing, in that, it uncovers gender differences and explores femininity. Which to me as a reader, is a continual and living fascination.
Haha yeah, I'm quite the feminist as hopefully some of my readers have noticed. I think extremely hi.. read moreHaha yeah, I'm quite the feminist as hopefully some of my readers have noticed. I think extremely highly of women :)
12 Years Ago
Then I'd like to read more of your feministic literature.
Great atitude as always! Instead of sympathy (Which seems to be the usual voice for themes like this) you go for anger and hold the strength that is common in all your writing! Great job!