Chapter One: Incomplete

Antonia is complete, how will she respond to the new emotions and feelings that start to surround her as she finnaly starts to see corruption.

 

Fifteen years later…..

The wind caressed her skin, her white blonde hair billowing about her as she stared in hazel eyes. She glanced her opponent over, studying her, trying to find something she could use a twitch, a sudden intake of breath, a flex of a muscle, anything. So far however the only move she made was to side step as they circled. Antonia flexed her fingers as she held her staff slantways at her back, waiting for her red headed opponent to make the first move.

A few seconds passed before she saw it. Joneen’s upper arm, the muscle tightened, the grip on her staff more firm, she was preparing to strike. Just as she lashed out with her staff, Antonia brought up her own, blocking Joneen. Pivoting on her left foot, Antonia thrust their staffs apart and circled, her hair following her staff as it strove for Joneen’s neck. Quickly Joneen bent her knees, leaning back as far as she could so the staff swept harmlessly over her.

Without a thought Antonia’s staff snapped back at Joneen who instantly brought up her own staff to black as she straightened. Antonia, her exquisite blue eyes full of concentration rabidly swung her staff at Joneen who blocked every one. Dodging and blocking Antonia and Joneen circled each other, eyes intent on anticipating every move and catching any advantage.  They two Riders, one fire and one black, though separated by age were almost perfectly matched in skill. The two fought, not giving up any advantage to the other, in perfect harmony. So well in fact it seemed they had reached an impasse. Fortunately when Antonia swung at Joneen's knees she was unable to counter properly due to her growing fatigue and in result lost her balance.

With the luck of catching the first advantage, Antonia’s eyes shone, shifting to a vibrant purple, as she unleashed a fury of moves at Joneen who could barely block them. Finally, Joneen fell and Antonia placed the butt of her staff on Joneen’s neck and their mentor, Earth Rider Ocurai, called “Match.” Calmly, Antonia removed her staff and held her hand out to an exhausted Joneen who took it gratefully.

As they stood there, purple eyes meeting hazel, Antonia analyzed the finished sparing match. Joneen was getting more precise but now she had something else out of place. What is it? She asked herself. What is out of place in her movements? Antonia went over every detail finding only miniscule errors but not the one she felt. After going over every detail she found it. Joneen was breathing improperly and during moments of... what had her mother called it, stress? She would hold her breath. Staring into Joneen’s eyes sensing the question within her Antonia stated,

“It was your breathing." Joneen processed this information and Antonia saw she was....confused? "Your breathing technique is improper and is causing you to become tired more quickly."

"You can breathe wrong?" A voice behind her said in an elevated whisper. "Who does she think she is? You can't breathe wrong."

Wrong? Antonia asked herself. What is this wrong... do they mean improper? Perhaps...

“It is possible to breathe improperly if that is indeed what you mean." Antonia replied turning toward the speaker. "If you noticed she was taking quick breaths through the mouth and the more she did the faster and shallower the breaths became. It didn't take long before she was running out of air tiring herself." Antonia turned back to Joneen. "You must breath in through the mouth out through the nose, some of course do it the other way around. Your breaths must become even and calculated. If you practice your breath while you relax or work, eventually it will become natural and you wont have to think about it."

"I will work on that, anything else I need to work on?"

"Your movements could be more precise and there are a few elementary mistakes that I noticed, but the breathing is the biggest. The others could be done if you practice hard. It may help to observe one of the beginning classes. Sometimes going back to the basics can help refine your skills."

     “I will think on that. I have been working hard to refine my skills. I admit I didn't know you could breath improperly."

      “I know you have been working hard, for your getting better; you just need to work harder."

     "What did she say?" Another voice whispered. "Who does she think she is?"

     "Antonia could you come ov..."

     "Lord General Antonia!" A young voice cried, stopping Joneen's words. Antonia turned and saw a familiar face hurriedly come into the room. Falling onto one knee, he bowed his blonde head to her as she nodded back. "Lord General Antonia, I bring terribly news from General Lament. The full Manoin Army ... it’s on its way to Athea." he cried. "As protocol demands we sent two messengers to tell them to hold for they were trespassing on our soil and to learn their intentions... only one returned. With his dying breath, he relayed to us a small message. 'We are going to kill you all. Every last Athean is to die.' The Navy has been dispatched to deal with the assault which is coming by water. My lady they are so sure of themselves they boldly tell us their plans. I fear that they, in their full force are stronger then us."

     "You have done well Jermai." Antonia replied as she smiled at him. "Send my command to mobilize the army as it required. Tell General Lament to go to Santanian Maftajo; that is where we will make our stand. For, if I am correct, that is where they intend to cross, to trap us in. I will go to the Council of Nations and request aid."

     "Meaning no disrespect, but hurry. From what I gather, we don't have much time and alone... we are dead." Jermai replied as he quickly got to his feet.

      “I understand, now go. I will join your shortly. Tell my mother to prepare the barriers as soon as everything is in place." With a quick nod, Jermai ran from the room. Once he was out of sight, Antonia calmly turned toward Ocurai. "Rider Ocurai I must depart early, I am needed."

     "You may go Antonia and ... good luck" Ocurai smiled at her, but Antonia saw something in his eyes, something she didn't recognize. I will have to ask him about it later. She decided as she bowed and walked from the room into the white Rider city where her dragon waited. As she left the city, Antonia couldn't help but think that this was the last time she would gaze upon its beauty.

 

The Council Building of Nations, a dark shadow, a fortress no light can pierce. Made entirely of onyx, its wall tower over the surrounding land like an evil omen. Unlike the gleaming white walls of the Dragon Rider City, the Council Building stands cold, tall dark towers rising into a clouded sky. Inside lies a giant maze that only a few can enter unguided.

Down one of the hallways, heading toward the council chamber, walked Antonia, head held high and back straight. Her long white blonde hair laid straight down her back, reaching past her waist as she floated to the end of the hall, turning right. Her white skirt, with six slits around it, flowed with her, revealing the shimmering gold underskirt. As she turned another corner, Antonia quickened her steps, nearing her destination.

Ordinarily Antonia would never have been so hasty as to walk to the council on her own, even if she did know the way, but something had changed in her, quickening her steps. Later on she would realize that her steps had been guided by fear as it slipped by her control. At that moment though, when everything changed, she was completely oblivious.

As the hallways end came into view, a large black door came into view at the end of the corridor. Standing guard were two soldiers dressed in full uniform. When they saw her approach they made to block her way but she just pushed right by them and through the doors. In only an instant she’d walked into a black room where a table, surrounded by thirteen, stood.

As soon as she walked in the man sitting at the far end rose to his feet in anger, fists slamming onto the table. “Antonia,” he cried in a booming voice, “what is the meaning of this?”

“Forgive my rudeness Irresto but I had no choice. My need is dire and needs to be addressed quickly. I have no time for formalities.”

“What is so important?” Irresto demanded his long whit ponytail swinging with his motions.

“I have received word the full Manoin Army is on its way to Athea. Two scouts were sent, only one returned. With his dying breath he gave us a message.”

“What message?” Merass of Sarseus asked, his brown eyes filled with curiosity.

“We will kill you all; every last Athean is to die.” Antonia replied solemnly. “You all know how deadly they are. Athea doesn’t have a hope of surviving without your aid. Please, we need your help.”

“And why should we help?” Saran of Nacara asked, her brown hair held tightly in a braid. “The messenger said only you were in danger. Why should we put our countries lives at risk for you.” As all the members of the council looked at Antonia curiously, she sighed.

 “Because after they are done with Athea they will come after you. Is it not better to stand united and strong then divide and fall? Besides, if our positions were reversed, would we not help you?”

“That’s a good point, however, you did bring this on yourselves.” Saran replied, her small hands folded before her. “If your country had just stayed out of their way and hadn’t made such a big deal out of your support of the light they might not have come to your country isn’t that right?”

 “Of all the ungrateful…” Irresto began.

 “I don’t understand. Why won’t you help us?” Antonia asked in confusion. “If one has power to save another who needs help why wouldn’t the one help? It’s the logical thing to do.” Antonia continued when the room fell into silence. “When one attacks you defend, that is how it goes, so why wouldn’t we defend ourselves and other who ask for help? They would have destroyed your countries.”

 “Yes but Saran makes a good point.” Merass replied. “Why should we risk our lives and the lives of our countries to help you fight off a fate you brought on yourselves?”

 “Because our lives and way of life is at stake.” Antonia answered. “Do you truly not see what will happen if we go? No one country is strong enough on their own, the opposing force is too large. We are the strongest. If we die Darshen-Qui Malla will have no opposition. He will conquer Narsayes one country at a time and then he will come for you. It is in your best interest to help us.”

“Are you implying that we are helpless; that if Athea falls the rest of us will follow suit?”

“I am.” Antonia declared. “I can see it now, your souls have been turned to the dark light of our enemies. You’ve all given in which leaves only one country to fend off the darkness.”

“Two Antonia.” Irresto replied. “Aquaria isn’t here and I believe they are still of the light.”

Antonia looked around the room once more, this time paying more attention to the details. The room was lit by torches that hung around the room. There was nothing in the large space but the round black table in which the members of the Council of Nations sat, each one a representative of their country. As she once more looked upon them, she found Irresto was right, one chair was empty, leaving twelve people at the table. How had I missed that? She asked herself in the back of her mind. She was very good at capturing the details of a situation with a quick glance.  Focus, there are more important this to worry about.

 “Of course.” Antonia bowed. “I can see that you have all ready failed in your mission. If you refuse to help you will be destroying your souls. If you sit here and let us die, they you will not find salvation after death. You will join Darshen-Qui Malla deep in the embrace of the keeper of lost souls.”

“How dare you speak of the council in that manner.” Saran cried. “We have done everything to…”

 “You have forgotten your duty. Do you not remember the job you were placed with?” Antonia asked. “Your job is to protect and govern for the good of Narsayes not to protect yourselves. You have never risked your own lives, only those beneath you. Do you call that helping? You are nothing but cowards.”

“You see that girl is nothing but a liar.”

“A liar?” Antonia cried. “I wouldn’t be gaining anything this by lying to you.”

“Oh really, then why do I see fear in your eyes.” Saran asked.

“I don’t know what you mean. Fear? I don’t understand.” Antonia exclaimed. Fear? Is that what this feeling in the pit of my stomach is? “If you see it in my eyes then it is completely coincidental to the situation. The matter is Athea’s life depends on your decision.”

“This girl is untrustworthy, I vote to dismiss the request.” Saran replied.

“You can’t do that.” Irresto stammered. “You can’t vote without all thirteen members of the council.

“Yes I can.” Saran responded her small hands falling into her lap. “I voted to dismiss the request, who’s with me?” One by one the eleven members of the council raised their hands and Antonia’s heart sank. As her soul started to break, she felt a strange wet drop come from her eyes. She quickly raised her hand and let the drop run onto it. Antonia then just stared at the wet drop, confused.

“What is this?” Antonia asked almost to herself.

“It’s called a tear. They come when you are sad.” Irresto replied shakily.

“Sad, sorrowful, depressed, dishearted, dispirited.” Antonia said to herself, desperately trying to understand. “Something one feels when they are afraid or unhappy like when someone dies.” Antonia then turned toward Irresto. “Am I crying?” She asked as tears rolled down her cheeks. Antonia watched him; her head tilted to one side, tears streaming down, as Irresto’s eyes started to tear.

“Yes child, you are crying.” Irresto explained. Then after he wiped the tears from his eyes, Irresto turned towards the council. “Fine Traitors. We will go and fight on our own, until we breathe our last breath while you sit here and watch. Then maybe you’ll grow a conscience and save the rest.” Irresto walked around the table, towards Antonia, then, resting his arm around her shoulders, and he guided her out. “Antonia,” he said softly, “once you gain control of yourself again, go to your army and prepares it for the battle ahead. I’ll go to Aquaria and seek help. If something goes wrong, don’t loose faith. Keep trying to find help. If you can’t, don’t run. Fight and die like a true Athean Warrior. Promise me.”

“But the council, it’s now on the side of the dark light. They move against Athea. They will never help us.”

“You don’t know that, they may have a change of heart.” Irresto comforted. “Now, promise me.”

 “I-I promise.” She stuttered.

“Thank-you.” He said to her. “I know you’re confused. If we make it through this, I promise I’ll explain everything.” With a final goodbye, Irresto left Antonia standing in the hallway confused.

 

 

 

Author's Note

Like before please try to ignore any grammer mistakes i am working on it. Tell me your thoughts on teh piece. Did it flow well? Are the characters believable and real? And should I have doen something diffrently or is it good enough?

Reviews

[Narrissa Snow]

the story is an intresting one, though i do find Antonia slightly unbeleviable. she seems apart form everything. i do understand that she is a ruler and that they dont always act like normal people but she has to have some human qulitys. and i find it strange that she dosn't know what crying is and hasn't expericaned it before, either for her self or seen someone else do it.

With the following sentace dont just state that she feels fear, discribe it to the reader insted, discribe what she is feeling and the reader will know its fear without having to be told, and she can still be confused about it.

-->Ordinarily Antonia would never have been so hasty as to walk to the council on her own, even if she did know the way, but something had changed in her, quickening her steps. Later on she would realize that her steps had been guided by fear as it slipped by her control. At that moment though, when everything changed, she was completely oblivious.

-->a door of black wood became known.
i dont think you should use known in this sentance, try something like, a large black door came into view at the end of the corridor.

your story is moving along nicely and with some eidting it could be a really good peice.