Center of Self

 There's something special around the corner, and if your good, for the rest of the year, I'll show it to you.
We hid it under text books, behind big mean authority figures, gripped tightly in the hands of your best friend's woman.
We hid it under the bed, and you can only see it when all the lights are off.
We hid it on military bases about to be bombed, cities about to be evacuated, on the backs of dragons, in the hearts of the heartless.
We hid it in big rubber balls, thick redwood trees, inside every chalk outline, outside every box you've ever put together, behind the house, in the attic, the basement, inside your sister's room, your mother's vanity, your father's ten year AA chip, and if your good, all year long, I'll show it to you.
And by good, I mean sober.
I mean, awake enough to see it.
I mean, really really alive, something else, something out there, something you've never really known. 
By good, I mean self-aware, really, really, self-aware, and for the first time, I want you to think yourself in and out of now. 
I want you to really, really know what it is to be alive, cause if I let you out of your hole, and your not, really really ready, nothing good will ever happen again. 
That's it. 
This is your life at it's peak. 
The day before you fucked up.
The day before you pissed everyone off, and we quite caring about you.
So tell me, and remember, your on the clock now, are you really, really ready?
Clouds of nicotine cut our sight short, while we swim this ocean of regret and self pity, poured for us by God almighty Mom. 
If love was enough to make this all go away, we wouldn't know the meaning of the word. 
Men who didnt live with you have known your body better than I ever will, how do I open up to you, when your legs are closed.
I could put these words in Latin, and suddenly, I'm sophisticated. 
Suddenly, I dont f**k like these fuckers, quietly I become refined, subtly I transcend hedonism growing moss from my face and standing straight up like a big boy.
I will always walk to your left, I will always hold your hand, I will always be looking forward to what's next, and that will never change.
I can see for miles, in check-points, in tiny checkered flags waving in the wind, little people on the side-lines cheering me on, little women, eye's wide shut, in the deepest wake tremble from my footsteps.
Thump 
Thump 
Thump
Little dolls, fine china, cracking under my weight.
I'm the fat son of a b***h with a bumper sticker on his a*s, cutting in at your school dance, I shouldn't even be there, but tonight I aint leaving alone, it's either you, or your girl, and no man is big enough to make that kind of sacrifice. 
But hey, I'll make it up to you.
I mean, if your ready that is, I got something to show you.
But you gotta promise to quit hating me, cause you aint gonna have time for that anymore.
You gotta promise me that your really really ready, cause if your not, nothing good with ever happen again.
Us kids aint refined, aint nobody perfect, aint nobody against the wall wanna be there.
You ready?
Here, here it is, it's a gun. 
Take it, do whatever you want with it, it isn't mine.
It's loaded, one bullet, I dont know what it does.
It has buttons, big shiny buttons, levers, and sirens. 
Go ahead, do whatever you want with it, but dont say I didnt warn you, cause I did, exactly 13 times, you dont forget s**t like that.
So show me, why are you here?