Entrapment

There is always a beginning, a fresh new start. A whole new world.

 

 

  It rained that day. A soggy mist of aggravation that added to the utter bleakness of my mood. I wondered how had I come to be in this place, why had I wanted to come here so badly?

 I looked around with judging eyes, the cracked and crumbling pavement mixed with the assortment of beat up, raggedy cars and bicycles with broken chains.

The rain pounded harder against the window, blurring the view. I sighed, turning around on the couch and sinking down.

 

  "Where is Mom and Dad?" I asked Megan, She lay sprawled on the floor watching t.v. and eating dry cheerios.

 

  "I don't know. They left this morning with Chris and Danielle" She said, not turning around to look at me as she spoke. I stared on at the televison screen and contemplated what she said. I was already nervous just hearing my cousin's names.

 I knew that it meant they would be partying together, that Dad would be drinking, that the drinking wouldn't end. I sighed inwardly, regretting actually getting out of bed that morning.

 

  "Well that is just great" I mumbled, folding my arms across my chest and trying not to be so aggravated.

 

  "I guess there is nothing to eat?" I asked her, staring at her half full bowl of dry cereal. She dug her hand into it and extracted two tiny round rings, popping them into her mouth.

 

  "Not really. There is no milk or anything.." She said, returning her gaze back to the cartoon she was watching.

 

 I grumbled to myself and thought about walking downstairs to Brian's apartment, my boyfriend of almost nine months. The first boy I had ever kissed or hung out with.

 He was the reason that I moved here, to this wretched apartement complex that we called The Square. At first, Brian had seemed very empathetic and understanding, he shared things with me about himself and I told him things I had never shared with anyone else. We became so close, and I began to feel things I had never felt before. I needed him around and he made it clear that he needed me even more. 

 He made me feel like my pain should be justified, he told me that I was strong for enduring all I had and he felt anger against anyone who might have hurt me.

  I felt like he was my protector, he was saving me.

 

  So, I didn't understand why I started feeling more and more distant, or why he became colder and more controlling. I saw the posessiveness in his eyes and it repulsed me, made me want to shrink away fom his side.  When he would turn to kiss me, I just wanted to hide my face.

  I could not escape the feeling of just wanting to get away, run away.

These feelings of indecision were what kept me inside, I forced myself to go into my room and close the door.
 If I went downstairs right now, he would see it in my eyes, he would know that I really didn't want to be with him anymore. And he had told me more than once that if I were to ever leave him, ever stop loving him so completely, he would die.

 He would take his own life, if we could not be together.

 

I closed my eyes, listening to the sound of the rain pounding against my thin window pane like a thousand tiny fists, and tried even harder to drown my thoughts away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

　

"You're just a no good f*****g w***e. Was he good? Was his dick bigger than mine!? David! you sucked his f*****g dick didn't you?! DIDN'T YOU!!!" He barked, I could picture his face, spittle flying out with his noxious words.

 

"Yeah I did!" She laughed maniacly, her breath harsh and weezing.

 

"I f*****g hate you!" He screamed, the pain bursting out of his voice and echoing off the walls.

 

  I squeezed my eyelids together, trying hard to block out the noise, the terrible words. It was the same fights, over and over. The same gestures and broken promises, nothing was ever going to be right with them.

  I heard Dad break something, crushing some inanimate object between his large, hairy hands. I could picture the scene, I knew it all too well. I wished that I had slept through this, that their loud voices had not penetrated my ears, waking from a restless sleep.  

 

  Why did they do this to eachother..why did they stay together? It seemed to me all they had together was pain, they shared it. They wallowed in their misery and regret, each and every day. And it just kept on getting worse.

 

   "I don't know who you think you are, talking to ME like that. You fucked Theresa, sucked all over her nasty, crusty old p***y. You loved it, you told me all about it. You F*****G B*****D!" I heard Mom screech, her voice cracking with the shreiking volume of her voice. She took a deep breath, I could hear the whoosh of her lungs from m, y room.

 

  "F*****G WHOOOOOORE!!" She bellowed, I could picture her with her arms straight out, unbending. Her mouth a disfigured O, the air escaping her lungs violently as the blood rose into her face. Rage, helpless and pitiful. They were everything and nothing to eachother, it was beyond love, it even seemed to be beyond hate.

 

 Then there was a crash, and I knew that she had charged at him. Her arms flailing and her hair flying back as her face contorted. He stared on, wide eyed and trying to take a defensive stance, too clumsy from so much drink and marijuana. There was more thuds and booms, as I heard them struggling and falling down onto the floor. Cracks and crinkles as cds and various trash and dishes clanging as they rolled over them, fighting in the mess that was our living room.

 I rolled over, pulling my pillow around my ears and trying to block them out. I just wanted to go back to sleep, I didn't want to witness their pain and fury, I didn't want to be kept awake by the sound of her tearing her teeth into his flesh. The sound of him squealing in pain as blood burst forth out of his skin, dribbling down his arm as she slashed him even more, her nails digging and biting.

 

  "Adultress! You f*****g b***h get off of me!!" He screamed, I knew he was wrestling against her, trying to pin her arms and throw her off of him as she gnashed at him, fists and hair flying in a mass of confusion.

 

  "Yeah, I'll get off of you! Why don't you just go find Theresa, let HER suck your flacid DICK! Incompetent prick, that's what you are. Worthless!" She ranted at him, her words striking and burning as she pleased. I knew his face, crumpling into a sack of pain as she crushed him. Digging her claws deep into his heart.

 

  She must have jumped up off of him, I heard him sigh and rustling noises as they picked themselves up off of the dirty floor. I heaved a sigh of relief, hoping that that was the worst of it for the night. Hoping that they would just go to bed now, and forget about everything for just a while.

Just long enough to let me sleep.

 

  Mom had told me about David, all of my life she had made sure that his name floated through my head along with the What if's and Maybe's. I resented her for it, for the things that she told me in the night when Dad and my siblings were sleeping.

 I didn't want to think that this stranger that she clung to might be my father. I loved my Dad, in all of his foolishness, in all of his selfish mistakes, I still needed him to be my blood. I couldn't imagine it any other way.

 I knew that she only cast that doubt because she was afraid of the future. She only knew the past, and so she held onto it, gripping to it for dear life.

  As if it was the only thing she had left, memories of days when everything was hopeful and bright, when the world was still hers to claim. When she was young and beautiful and full of possibilities.

Author's Note

For that girl, so many years ago, standing on the steps and wondering "why"

Reviews

[Pax Analog]

Brave delineation of how fucked-up family life can be, yet still have a bloodline hold on a more sensitive intelligent soul. When a flower grows out of a dung heap, it's a reminder of the redemptive power of creativity. I shall return to read further. . .

[Moonflower]

Thank you for reading. I'm pretty sure I have already said this, but I always look forward to your comments on my work. I have recently picked up the pen again, and started scribbling away on this book. Hopefully you will see tons of improvement. I am seriously considering changing the first chapter. Starting the story a little further back, so that you know how I came to be there at "The Square". I didn't start that way initially, for fear of it being too boring and long of a read. But I am starting to find my bearings, and hopefully this will turn into a book worth reading. Thank you again.

[Words of Wisdumb]

Interesting enough to make you want to read more.

[Coyote Poetry]

The chapter was direct and to the point. I like the honest conversation. Sometime people like to add to their misery with questions and lies. The story held my attention till the last words. A excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Moonflower]

I can't think you enough for reading a chapter of my "book"...it has gone on the back burners for a bit, and it is always a wonderful surprise to see a review on on of the chapters. It reminds me that this story is still here, waiting for me to fill the pages. I am so grateful for your comments and thoughts. Feel free to add any constructive criticism, god knows that I desperately need it. I am not in any way experienced when it comes to writing stories...especially my own. Thank you, Thank you!