Delicate Demeanors

You're an ocean, Yeah you're a mystery
Baby, I'm a boat that's lost all its density
So why don't we wave a while and see
The way that we brush against currents and seams
And when the wind blows, so low and so sweet
Your tender voice rises and whistles to me
And your eyes are the color of the bark
on a tree
So gently you sway as you caress the strings
And melodies resonate deep from the sea
My eyes are blue, they reflect what they see
As I watch it unfold, oh this great mystery
I'll watch your face dance with the turn
of my key

Oh were you entranced
   Did your heart beat in tune
With the howl of the wind
   With the cry of the moon
Oh did your soul long
   For that beautiful song
So still in the night, so carefully calm

Reviews

[Zoe Jay]

I was drawn to this by the title. It definitely reads like a song. Musical and with nice rhythm and feel. I love the rhyme scheme, it's sophisticated and well executed and gives the poem a lovely, tightly written, classic feel. To make it just a little more of a poem, assuming you want to, I would remove the "oh"s, "yeahs" and so forth just to make it a little neater. "I'm a boat that's lost all it's density" is great, it's an awesome description and really unusual, you should try and build on your unusual sense of metaphor. The final verse is excellent. Gorgeous rhyme and flow. Overall, the poem is rich, textured, and a solid write.

[Coyote Poetry]

A beautiful poem. I like the calm and peaceful pace of your words. Using nature always make the poem become stronger and more powerful.
"My eyes are blue, they reflect what they see
As I watch it unfold, oh this great mystery"
A very good ending to a outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I love this poem. It reminds me of the music from an era where they
were inspired by nature and gypsies. An absolute stunner. 100 (+1)

[Bard Constantine]

Reads like a song, sensuality for the mind. Truly lovely work...

[OT]

ah a very sensual write!! brilliantly flowing - very cleverly chosen words! I like the alternating structure and rhyme too! very nice! it actually was a bit song like at parts haha! I like!

[Kelsie Eileen Stark]

Very beautiful. Yet again, lovely descriptions & imagery...This is almost musical. :]

[Robin]

a heartsong that drifts upon the dreamscape , sensual beyond the senses , gorgeous writing

[Nothing Personal]

This is a delicate exercise on love..You expressed sinking with the boat analogy..And then the questions, the thoughts of longing and closeness set along..the atmosphere created is perfect for such interludes of romance. Well written !!