Delicate Demeanors

You're an ocean, Yeah you're a mystery
Baby, I'm a boat that's lost all its density
So why don't we wave a while and see
The way that we brush against currents and seams
And when the wind blows, so low and so sweet
Your tender voice rises and whistles to me
And your eyes are the color of the bark
on a tree
So gently you sway as you caress the strings
And melodies resonate deep from the sea
My eyes are blue, they reflect what they see
As I watch it unfold, oh this great mystery
I'll watch your face dance with the turn
of my key

Oh were you entranced
   Did your heart beat in tune
With the howl of the wind
   With the cry of the moon
Oh did your soul long
   For that beautiful song
So still in the night, so carefully calm

Reviews

[Zoe Jay]

I was drawn to this by the title. It definitely reads like a song. Musical and with nice rhythm and feel. I love the rhyme scheme, it's sophisticated and well executed and gives the poem a lovely, tightly written, classic feel. To make it just a little more of a poem, assuming you want to, I would remove the "oh"s, "yeahs" and so forth just to make it a little neater. "I'm a boat that's lost all it's density" is great, it's an awesome description and really unusual, you should try and build on your unusual sense of metaphor. The final verse is excellent. Gorgeous rhyme and flow. Overall, the poem is rich, textured, and a solid write.

[Amber Betty Marie Child..]

Its so easy to read yet so vivid. Talk about a woosaa.

[Uniqe In Many Ways]

I like this. I love the begining
"You're an ocean, yeah you're a mystery
Baby, I'm a boat that's lost all its desity"
GENIUS!!!
:-^D

[sushi]

A vivid write.
"Oh were you entranced
Did your heart beat in tune
With the howl of the wind
With the cry of the moon
Oh did your soul long
For that beautiful song
So still in the night, so carefully calm"

The way you described the person's appearance and his reaction towards your movements were wonderfully moisturized.

[smalltownsympathies]

Are these song lyrics? I agree with the featured review, I was also drawn in by the title, and the music of its words reverberates in my mind, still.

[Calypso]

So dark. Well written.

[Rikkevi Rue]

Zoe really said it all best. I would only add, why did you stop??? I was dying for the next verse! Sophisticated surely it is and communicates very powerfully

[SilentDreamer]

Oh, cute.

[the-One-with-the-Darkne..]

Wow. I felt this. You did an incredible job i wish i could write like this.

[Marie Harrison]

What a sweet poem! I love it!

[YouoweYoupay]

This sounds like a song, a slow tuneful, calming song. I liked the description of eye color and the ebbing and flowing of the boat in a sea. Nicely written. Thank you for sharing.