Last chance mistakes

 

 

 

We sat in the rain

mouths open, laughing out

into the storm

white knuckles gripping

bottle necks and feared

suggestions

 

The stars, immovable

above our weary faces

we turned them up into

the air

letting the droplets

smack against our skin

 

I held my hands out

that liquid pouring down

like the mistakes I was making

one by one

 

Your crystalline eyes

twinkled

some instinctual beckoning

wriggling itself

into my black heart

 

You tore my weakness

around the edges, lieing

cold fingers on

soaking clothes and

puckered lips

 

I tasted emptiness, pure

and unfathomable

a million sensations exploding

 

...imploding...

 

I didn't know if

I was breathless

then

just a head full of hair

and confusion

I danced around

the doorway

for only your eyes to

ever know these memories

Blinking back the water

dripping from our eyelashes

 

Did you let this go

when you

turned

in your

white beast

burning fuel down

vacant

streets and highways

and changing

my life

forever

Author's Note

Mistakes are always bittersweet.

Reviews

[alan peter kelly]

a black heart does not exist in someone who can write like this...darkened...overshadowed...in eclipse perhaps but never black...we cannot hope to succeed until we first learn how to fail...for it is the pain of our mistakes that scar or calcify as foundations for as ultimate a growth as we can ever hope in one lifetime...if we survive the beasts...then we become kings and queens...as always...enjoyed your skill...

[df]

beautiful collage of words, strikes the heart

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

this is, simply put, wonderful. i may have to thesaurus up some superlatives for the aching bittersweetness you've given. it gives the sense of a true recollection, only slightly rue-filled, but pain-filled even more so

(one little hitch:

around the edges, lieing
cold fingers on

"Lying" not lieing)

[Aven]

beautiful!

[Ruth]

Indeed they are love, they allow us to change and breathe, this is wonderfully written, always moments of beauty within your poetry love! Truly!
I admire your imagery a lot
xx

[Sonia]

wow i really like this. There are a lot of powerful lines and you use breaks in stanzas to their best effect. I love some of the adjectives and verbs you used, like "crystalline eyes", and having the water "smack against our skin", those made the poem very unique.
Really well done!

[Brad]

man, you took me back a ways....nice reflection

[Coyote Poetry]

When we are young and hopeful. It seem pain and sweetness walks hand in hand. I enjoy your stories. The detail and language make me read the poem a few times.
"I held my hands out
that liquid pouring down
like the mistakes I was making
one by one"
I know the feeling of knowing the fall before the end. A outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[KL]

You misspelled 'instinctual.' Other than that, a great poem. Mistakes are ALWAYS bittersweet, but it's better to scrape your knees (or in this case your heart) than to never experience pain.

[Forever Mine]

This is my favorite by you.. I dont know why.. but it is. I seriously wish I could write like, especially considering i got writers block right now... Off topic, back to the poem, i like the format, the word choice, pretty much everything : )

[Crinkle°]

an awesome one, MoonFlower!