Lessons

 

 

We sat close to the window

Letting our eyelashes burn

And I thought that maybe you'd know

all the lessons I had yet to learn

 

So when trudging down the sidewalk

beside that empty, broken street

We didn't laugh, We didn't talk

As the leaves swirled around our feet

 

Oh They say this world is turning

at such an uncertain degree

But when I'm lying on the pavement

it doesn't really matter to me

 

We tried to take the pieces

and sew them back together again

So if our love ever ceases

We'll have something to remember this

 

I wish that I could remove

all that grey behind your eyes

Life can't always be smooth

but I guess it doesn't hurt to try

 

Cause they say this world is turning

at an uncertain degree

but I think that it's okay, dear

It never really mattered to me

 

Yeah they say this world is turning

at a measurable speed

But when I see your face dear

Nothing ever matters to me

Author's Note

This is a song I'm working on...the lyrics may change, I'm not to happy with them, I think I could make it better. Tell me what you think.

Reviews

[A.A.Romanczuk]

As a poem, it's beautiful...as lyrics...well, I don't know too much about lyrics...but as a poem...please..leave it as is :) It's lovely...
I love these lines:
Oh They say this world is turning

at such an uncertain degree

But when I'm lieing on the pavement

it doesn't really matter to me


And the idea of memories reminding one of past love:)

[Yana]

This is really pretty, I guess you can improve but its good. :)

[KL]

I'd like to hear the music that goes along with this so then I could properly make a suggestion. It's good insight the way it's written now, though.

[Aven]

"Cause they say this world is turning
at an uncertain degree
but I think that it's okay, dear
It never really mattered to me"

reminded me of katie melua for some reason... very interesting, very witty write, katie doesn't stand a chance!!

[Bard Constantine]

I think it would well as a song. I like the advice from Pax, I can't add anything more...

[Marie Harrison]

I like it. I could hear it on the radio. Fabulous job.

[Charles]

I could sing along to that. I'll be looking forward to the video now ;)

[Matthew Kult]

Hello Moon,

I thought this to be wondeful. I wouldn't touch it although I am a bit behind the party on this one. Great write.

Regards,

Matthew

[Pax Analog]

Right, your note coincided w/my putting this rhyming piece together w/your pic w/guitar. Indeed, it reads/sounds like a good song, an elegant brooding one.

Well, are you singing? 'Cause the whole thing about song lyrics is they are tighter than free verse. One doesn't have to think about all the metrical poet schemes, 'cause one has a voice and guitar to deal with. Sound it out. Tighten up where it suits chords and vocal impulse. Listen more carefully to how the words sound. Many a time something that's a bit offhand, and preferred that way, in free verse or prose, just sounds sloppy in a song lyric. I think of how even long word-intensive lines from Dylan rhyme and shine and roll out.

Let me know what the chords are like, and the general music feel, if you like. I started out w/minor chords and folk ballad laments. O what a winding road it's been.

I'm happy you're workin' in song form, Desiree. Keep me posted on this. I have a few thoughts on it, but I'd like to know what kind of song it is musically first.

[Geralyn Miller]

Lovely, lithe and lyrical. The only changes I can imagine are very snall; in the first line would "near" work better than "close"? Second verse, last line, " 'round" instead of "around". The fifth verse is my favorite, I love it.
It's funny, when I used to get paid to clean up lyrics, I hated it, it's fun this way.

[M.Kilani]

I'd say acoustic guitar and piano; either Damien Rice or Elton John style