Skeleton Girl

 

 

 

 

 

I saw you laugh

at my reduntant eyes

a silent falling of sober tears

Holding close those moonlit moments

I folded my hands into my breast

to feel the heartbeat there

 

One by one

You plucked my feathers

casting them to the embers

A mockery of silken promises,

ashes burning away my freedom

I always knew you would

leave me helpless

 

Charred skin

oozing liquid flesh

Shadowy eyes bore deep

into my weak, broken soul

tearing down the walls

that could not withstand

your eager embrace

 

I held

my hopes up to the sky,

let it rain down in a sickening lullaby

No one will ever find me here

among the filth and debris

 

My faith

was scattered in the wind

My cries

seedlings that shall never land

 

Carry my body

in soft deliverance

down to the cool water,

 dip my feet into the reflection

of our world, because good bye

was all that I could ever

hope for

Author's Note

I just kind of pounded this one out. Tell me what you think..

Reviews

[JelliFyshKissUs]

Your structure remind me of dewdrops. Very compatible with the heartrending tale of a broken and battered expectation. But it was a bittersweet soothe of thought at the end to give just a little more beauty at the end than it had at the beginning. Fluidic.

[Claws Of Fury]

I definitely believe that this poem could be much BETTER, but! Since you banged it out, I'm impressed. This is good.

[Bard Constantine]

From the title to the poem itself, this is fantastic imagery... the subject is saddening -the allowance of anyone to strip us down to mere bones is more commonplace than most would allow themselves to admit... but the delivery of such deeply troubled statements is an art to itself... or as someone said once: beautiful pain. You make me feel it...

[Sean M. Addams]

very deep and beautifully done ..overall I thought you did an amazing job on this ..love the detail and imagery alot..great stuff!!

[Molly]

This is beautiful. I love the line "redundant eyes" because it's very original. I like the structure too, it seems very apropos to the subject.

[jawdriscoll]

I too liked the structure of the poem. It appears to mimic the "redundant eyes" you mention in the first stanza. Your diction seems rushed and underdeveloped, but the poems message is a good one and very emotional, especially in the last stanza. Well written with excellent imagery!

[David W Moore III]

i love the plucjing of your feathers metaphor. the last stanza is worth the price of admission,

[Amber Betty Marie Child..]

heart pounded it out as hard thumps

[Kelley]

I felt as I read it that you were softly hoping of rescue while the world trampled over you. i see a great writer in you Moonflower besides who ever heard of a happy poet.......smiles

[Kelsie Eileen Stark]

I can feel the emotions- very passionite, and very very deep...it burns in my soul. Great job!

[Charles]

Sounds like someone had some Southern Fried Angel...Finger licking good!