Skeleton Girl

 

 

 

 

 

I saw you laugh

at my reduntant eyes

a silent falling of sober tears

Holding close those moonlit moments

I folded my hands into my breast

to feel the heartbeat there

 

One by one

You plucked my feathers

casting them to the embers

A mockery of silken promises,

ashes burning away my freedom

I always knew you would

leave me helpless

 

Charred skin

oozing liquid flesh

Shadowy eyes bore deep

into my weak, broken soul

tearing down the walls

that could not withstand

your eager embrace

 

I held

my hopes up to the sky,

let it rain down in a sickening lullaby

No one will ever find me here

among the filth and debris

 

My faith

was scattered in the wind

My cries

seedlings that shall never land

 

Carry my body

in soft deliverance

down to the cool water,

 dip my feet into the reflection

of our world, because good bye

was all that I could ever

hope for

Author's Note

I just kind of pounded this one out. Tell me what you think..

Reviews

[JelliFyshKissUs]

Your structure remind me of dewdrops. Very compatible with the heartrending tale of a broken and battered expectation. But it was a bittersweet soothe of thought at the end to give just a little more beauty at the end than it had at the beginning. Fluidic.

[Nautili]

wow, I can feel your pain. Very raw and vulnerable and authentic. Sometimes the ones that come out effortlessly are magic. This is one of those.

[Moonflower]

Thank you so much for reading one of my older works, it is always nice to see someone is interested in going back and reading something that isn't "new". I really appreciate it, and its wonderful to hear the readers point of view. Thank you dear.

[sushi]

"I held
my hopes up to the sky,
let it rain down in a sickening lullaby
No one will ever find me here
among the filth and debris"

Nicely written. Thanks for sharing.

[Aven]

"because good bye
was all that I could ever
hope for"

this was my favorite part... alot to think about.

[Pax Analog]

Well, gosh, it's lyrical, but one hates to see the spirit pounded out of the narrator "I" and hopes it's only temporary. Spelling: "redundant."

On the other hand it has the feeling of shedding an identity, a shamanic ritual.

Keep on peeling those onion layers, grrrl, we know you can write! ;-)

[Abigail T]

Oh my goodness! Your use of imagery is absolutely insane! I've never seen a poet on here that can do what you do with your words.

"Charred skin
oozing liquid flesh
Shadowy eyes bore deep
into my weak, broken soul
tearing down the walls
that could not withstand
your eager embrace"

So creepy and upsetting and disturbing and vivid! Oh, I'm so jealous. This is seriously marvelous work! You are very, very talented.

[Norma M Sutton]

I like the contrast of images. Nice

[A.A.Romanczuk]

I think it's lovely for a poem that was 'just pounded out'..it's rhythm is almost heartbeat like...the pain cuts through the reader like a knife...this is extremely vivid and lovely..

[Poeticpiers]

ineffably sad M'lady you pour out your woes very effectively in free form I hope it is only poeticlicense

[Geralyn Miller]

Nice with a seed of brilliance; polish and bring out the brilliance. Well worth putting in some rewrite time!

[StoryPosterShane]

Nice story, although, i believe you can do much better. Overall, good