Empty minds and fading Hearts

It feels like a thousand years have passed
As they reach out to each other with rotten tears,
Clinging to the thin curtain of eternity

They bend their hearts in woe

Candles flicker in the hot, moon light

as it dances on the walls
They crack and crumble,

Worn with years of pain and regret
Hollow eyed, they mumble,

trying to caress some kind of intimate
acknowledgement

Hands flow down hallways and across supper tables,

flicking the
light switch and

ashing the last cigarette
Pale bodies, withered and crooked,

never breaking the cycle
of sleepless rest

Now they fade, with ticking clocks and blurred voices

on the television screen
Reassuring them that some where...

 

people are still breathing.

And there are days
When the Sun rises and they inhale the brilliance
Opening their eyes wide and soaking in the illumination of

Life and Majesty

The smoke clears and their film covered iris's brighten

Capturing
the glory of a thousand sun rises and sets,

A billion stars...

 

They gaze in empty head.ed remorse

Had they never felt the beauty and awe of their own
Insignificant Existence?

They sigh, In heavy hearted acceptance, That the cruel and hideous
might have been worth the incomprehensible

Author's Note

now i feel as though their are too many "they"s and "their"s...

Reviews

[Miss Coral]

This was a slow read for me.. I'm generally a fast reader, and zip through things while still able to catch everything, but this- this made me slow down and consider every word. It was weighty.. it was big and it was slow, but it was gentle at the same time. The imagery was described softly, but conveyed a great deal of thought, and brought emotions with it very well.. the phrasing was beautiful, and the pace, while different, was very well suited to this.

Excellent job.

-Coral-

[Another Relic]

To me this describes two people who may live together but realize their alone and have grown apart with silence filling those spaces that maybe one time were filled with contentment.

Now they fade, with ticking clocks and blurred voices
on the television screen
Reassuring them that some where...
People are still breathing.
These lines really painted the whole scene for me. I never noticed too many "Theys and theirs" Great poem.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

This to me speaks on two people living together and yet drifting apart emotionally because they have stopped communicating... despite the solemnness of the poem it was quite captivating.

[Shelby. Loves ya. :3]

wow. i love this. its emotional.

[Jonathan De Elvira]

I got a new nick name for you Des...
You're the queen of love poetry...!!
This was so emotional...

[J]

The incomprehensible is a crushing tone of ocean, a deep divide marring the silver and gold -- the rhapsodic and melodic a phrasing I would encounter -- in Latin pages burned with umber, shellac, a hint of rose.

(A reply, inconsequential
as this probably is
for you)

[Akshat♥]

this poem is written well....but i think there are many things you have to look for...like initially you used "we" then you use "they"....i can't relate to that..
over all ..good job:)

[Ruth]

Stunning structure!
I love this poem :) A intense hit of emotions, well worth taking the time over to digest!
On an internal level and universal, this is mind blowingly beautiful!
xx

[FlawedByDesign]

I got the idea of "empty minds" as I read through, but the idea of "faded hearts" never came up, so there is something missing for me there.
The poem starts off with "we" and the we follows into the second stanza, but then it goes into a they and that's where I lose track of the subject. I feel like there is no clear transition between we and they.

Apart from this, there are a few misplaced punctuations and the 2nd stanza is broken up wrong in my opinion - the first line seems to drag on compared to the rest.

Good job.

[Aven]

I'm with Persephoneia on this one. Although reading it slow made me consider each word. Keep writing! :)

[Dream Weaver]

Sadly significant when the load becomes so
unbearably heavy...all one can do is hope
things will be better...