Wistful sedation

 

 

She slumbers

dreaming
in wine colored
aura
Painting landscapes
on glimmering
skies

As she sighs
Waiting for graceful,
dancing lies

To cover up the heart ache

 

He calls her serene
while
she falls over into
desolation

Drifting into a
floating realm of
...no where...

She knows thats where
she's going,
No one can hold back
that soft redemption

Waiting on the edge,
those fluttering highs
she whispers
and he backs away

flinching
at her last goodbye

Author's Note

eh...need to clean up the ending a bit.

Reviews

[alan peter kelly]

enjoyed another strong...delicate write...the stings in last goodbyes declines right down to nub of numb in time...like a drug that ceases to provide a high and one just utilises simply to stay as straight as can possibly remember its last occurance...you need not request i read your work honey...i will eventually get around to reading and reviewing it all...as with that of all those who have chosen to befriend me...i look after my own...and will read more anon :)

[Jonathan De Elvira]

It was too short Des...Urm yeah, I think you better clean the ending...
It was a bit off from the main subject...

[Akshat♥]

i can easily relate to what you are saying...ending was fine...saying goodbye like that is very sad though...Great work:)

[Dream Weaver]

Nicely done...Sadly a wonderful description
of saying goodbye, which is never a pleasant
thing...

[Aven]

I agree with Persephoneia, good choice of words. I liked it. :)

[Miss Coral]

Honestly, I think the ending was fine. In fact, I think the entire piece was great.. you have a gentle imagery that conveys so much emotion, with great phrasing and nicely paced cadence. I especially loved,
"He calls her serene
while
she falls over into
desolation"

Great wit in the contradiction.. nice use of words.

Really liked this piece. Great job. c:

-Coral-

[Robin]

I know what your saying ...

[Cynthia]

!Love this!
The poem is very powerful!!

[Love-shadowed Silhouett..]

I loved it, I've been reviewing a lot today so I'm a bit speechless... partially about how great this was, partially because I don't want to say what I said to another one, but this is really great! I love it!

[Norma M Sutton]

I like this. Especially this part

Waiting on the edge,
those fluttering highs
she whispers
and he backs away

flinching
at her last goodbye

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I like the poem all the way through... but this part really stood out for me...


As she sighs
Waiting for graceful,
dancing lies

To cover up the heart ache
--------
really wonderful work.