Don't leave me

I look at you and all I can see is your
regret...Mistakes show on your tender
wrinkle lined eyes
and whiskey lined brow
And it hurts so bad to see you this way
I always thought you were gonna make it
better than the rest of us

but I know this wreckless life has beaten you down
and you have drowned yourself out
in a plethora of cigarrettes and alchohol.
It makes me sick and I want to cry, mourn the old you
the one who was strong and handsome, with his head held high
and his clothes fit just right.

I can still remember that shining figure of love
I always knew you loved us and that you tried your best do things
the right way
but life through so many different curves your way
and some how it ended up like this...I know you still don't understand
what you did wrong...How it all came to this, you're still living in the past
glorifying those good old times.
I guess thats why you choke yourself in alchohol and waste away your body
with two packs a day.

and You don't even look the same...like some ghost of the father I use to think
would be you.
and you cry out..forgive me, daughter, i love you and i am sorry for your pain i know that i have caused you.
and the hate fades away
I want to embrace you and hug it all away, I really wish that I could change every thing...I guess that's why I always covered up the pain.

I hid it well, but you always knew what was behind those little white lies..you never believed me when I said you were the worlds greatest dad, You always knew the truth.
But I wish you could see how much I want to help you...I want to make you into that person you always thought you would be, I can see him under there wanting to come out but its too late now, and we all know that time has taken his toll...God, I still can't believe we're both this old.

But please, don't break away..dont fade away into your whiskey skies.
I need you hear even though I tell you lies.
I do love your tender heart, your raven curls and scratchy face, I love your weakness and your strength.

And no matter how much pain there is between us, unsaid words and too many shed tears, I will always need you here..no matter how long it has taken me to realize this, I never want you to go away.
I love you.
I really do.
And I just wish it was that easy to say.

Author's Note

This is a very personal piece for me.

Reviews

[Aven]

Wow, you left me breathless. I've had one close relative perish to alcoholism already, and I see it in people around me. This is such a powerful piece. Anyone who walks down that road loses themselves. You can lose other people, and it will hurt, but losing yourself...that is hard to recover from. Thank you for sharing!

[Ramiz Ilham Khan]

it is incredible to know how humans connect. So private & yet so universal in nature.

[bluessadmood]

and it was great ,personal and lovely..faith to a father and describing him in sad words..but thats how life is always is..he just burnt for you..apparently life was never easy,it never was ,and to some its like hell,but they do their best ,we only have to thank them for that..none of them has failed..its their chances thrown on them,and their persons for thats the best they could do,they best they could fight it back..all are heroes dear..no one is a coward or a failiure..but some are weaklings and they could not help it,you only have to thank them for the good fight and great try they had to live..this is full of faith and loyalty to a father and i really loved it..have not read a lot like this here..
lovely write..

[...]

. overwhelming ... and yes ... immensely powerfully so ...

[Peter Joseph Swanson]

That was very powerful