Cold Hearted

Im sorry
that i cant be everything
that you deserve
This isnt any kind of
Love
for you.
and I dont know how to handle
this unforgiving selfishness
that has become
myself.

Im sorry that
i cant be what you need me to be
I cant be light and cheery
beautiful and happy.
I am a mess...i always have been.
maybe its taken until now.
for you to realize this.
And Im Sorry that
you didnt..
im pretty sure that i warned
you...tried to push you away...
i always do.

Im Sorry
That im not lovely and perfect.
you deserve that..and more.
That i dont dangle myself under
every word you say..or move you make.
I cant give myself over to you..
i cant lose myself in ecstacy or
become a slave to my own desires...
maybe im afraid
I wont come back to reality.
that has always been a possibility
with me.

So I build up walls and construct bridges
i make you walk the tight rope
and climb over mountains
Just to see my cold and apathetic face.
staring blankly into your eyes
as you plead for just one.
little sacrifice.

Im sorry
That im not doting or
blatantly in love.
I cant help holding back no
matter how many hugs
and kisses you bestow
upon my shallow, broken
heart.
I am nothing, no one.
and i dont understand why
you love me...

Why you press against
the stone coldness of my
skin..or try to push
your way in.
Maybe you think one day
i will budge and become
what you want
and need from me...

But i can see your losing hope
and.my.god.
i do not blame you..
but i wont pull you back to me
and i wont
beg for your mercy
i was never deserving of your love
in the first place.
why would i ask for it back??

I know what you need, want,
and desire..
but i am not there.
and i dont think i ever have been
here

Author's Note

I wrote this over a year ago, during the hardest time of my relationship with my husband, I became very distant and I believe this is the beginning of me falling out of love with him, though I don't really like to admit it, it took me a while to realize what was happening, and in the end we were both so hurt. The scars still burn.

Reviews

[TAO]

Memories, memories, I do so hate when poetry makes us remember... And yet, we love it... Keeps us...grounded...to say the very least. The ever-widening chasm is always the omen of things to come; when the earth is cracked, and we're on opposite sides, and the crack becomes a stream, then a river, a lake, an ocean...and a whole other world... You make us remember. Your poetry is simple (and I don't mean simple-dumb or anything)... It's as if you've been able strip the clothing from Truth, and make her walk, ashamed, before men made of lies and lust... Very well done, yet again, Ms.

[Lovely Lady]

ouch...

[Bard Constantine]

Young love is the hardest because two people who are still growing often find themselves on seperate paths which create a distance neither understands. You create that sense of frustration quite well in this piece. In the end we learn and heal as we go on...

[Miss Coral]

Wonderful piece.. the emotions are sharp and clear in this.
I would suggest dealing with the grammar again.. the way you have it now is super distracting, inconsistent, and detracts from the flow. However, excepting the grammar, this was a great write. Nice job.

[Candylove.]

I really admire this piece. The integrity you possess to put down into words the hardest time of your relationship is true, poetry. There are no boundaries when it comes to writing. :)

[Norma M Sutton]

Nicely written.

[nono]

Everyone can be cold hearted. I mean people tell me I'm a really nice person...But I know I can be a really cruel person if i choose to. So I choose not to...lol. I love this what a hard write this must've been because if i enjoyed reading it so much then you must have really took your time.

[loowzerX]

I'm so sorry about everything you had to go through, and perhaps I'll never understand such pain. However, I still think that this is a very good poem. excellent.

[al25]

This is very sad. Anyway looking at the poem amazing wording and the dialogue style works well here. Very emotional write.

[Young Mountain]

Wow
Full of emotion & pain, this was a really moving insight at love tearing apart.

So many lines were fantastic in this piece.
"i cant lose myself in ecstacy or
become a slave to my own desires"

Im sorry
that i cant be everything
that you deserve

great opening line.

Thanks for sharing this.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

your ability to work through personal frames of thought by building them through poetry is not only sharp and affecting but done with care and thoughtfulness~
and oh how I do get the shut down mode of the narrator in the poem~ sometimes it happens that way~ sometimes there is no reason but that one person grows beyond the other and sometimes there are reasons . . . .