Unrobed

Don't hide my imperfections

Peel off the mask

Like vapor, extinguishing

the impetuosity

Leave me breath...less...

As you carefully remove

the meager gause

of my self

My pain and childhood

erased

and replaced

with soft redemption

My pagan robes fall

quietly

to the ground

And take my curves,

my woman hood

Those pale blue eyes

a mockery

of adolescense

Leave me here

Naked

in the truest sense

So I can lay eyes upon

what is silently

beneath

Unsheath

before a mirror of

my own eyes

This silent mind

unravels

and releases

I can't see any thing

but time.

Reviews

[Jonathan De Elvira]

self beauty revealing...
"My pain and childhood
erased" sounds like soothing relief, in fact, I love that line :P

U have unique style of ur own, which is good n tht tempting gentle style of ur writing makes it better...
don't bury ur talent...u'll be great :)

[Sebastian Falzarano]

I am sorry, but I needed a little help from a friend of mine in interpeting the poem, because I didn't want to say something wrong or misinterpet. So this is what he says (I like the poem, don't get me wrong, but I kinda had trouble figuring out it's meaning, so I hope it is alright for a friend of mine to review with these words):
"From the title unrobed, and the beginning 2 lines: "Don't hide my imperfections, Peel off the mask..." one can assume some sort of revolution is being related or is occurring with the peom. You provide metaphors to give us a grasp of how drastic this revelation was/the situation was. This is shown by the line, "As you carefully...erased" (6-10). The reader can infer that some pain has occurred to the author in the manner of which the peom is expressed, words have emotion even without a speaker.
As the peom goes on, the reader can finally see that the speaker of the peom is female. Referring back to erased, this can either be seen as a good thing or bad thing. Either something or someone soothed those memories by "removing the gause" or something that I'm missing is the bad thing. "My womanhood" this is where I need help. It could mean that someone has raped the ergo "And take my curves, my womanhood" or its something else I'm not picking up that causes her to state this. My opinion is solidified by " those pale blue eyes a mockery of adolescence" as it could be of her attacker, or I may be misinterpeting it. Finally, feeling naked is a metaphor for feeling helpless.
And it goes on into a revelation. And it goes on into a revelation:
"So I can lay eyes upon...beneath"
This event gave her clarity in a sense to review her life. This silent mind unravels could either be a mental breakdown or her point of realization.""

[Bard Constantine]

You are fast becoming a favorite of mine... there's a simple magic to your word weaving, as here the desire to be accepted completely, all imperfections laid bare is so tenderly expressed... a stunning gem of a poem...

[al25]

Your choice of words makes the poem very effective. I think this is very well written. As always really enjoyed reading this. Great job.

[~~~~~]

I hate to give a lame review but Selene took the words right out of my mouth. Your piece shows a young woman unraveling like a beautiful-winged butterfly shedding her cocoon. Very strong first line, a command of strength. We tend to hide our flaws and insecurities but you say show them so that I may grow. Very nice.

[loowzerX]

lovely......wonderful.....a never-ending list of positive adjectives :)

[Matthew Kult]

I wish I was as poetic as some of your other reviews.....but I suck Sorry. Very well written. Great Flow. Love the imagery.

You pulled me in and made me feel. You made me want to feel what you were feeling. Talented. Very well done.

[Lovely Lady]

The beginning captured me... I got lost in that first line... then the remainder of the poem caressed my mind gently and opened my heart. Lovely.
~♥~

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

this is so intricate~ here whispers the process of maturation from closed bud girl to unfurled woman lotus~ there is ceremony in the composition~ layered beautifully line by line~ and yet somehow toward the end of the stream there is a sense of uncertainty about stepping out of childhood into maturity~ a very thoughtful poetic handled with care and imbued with original creativity~

[Sports Girl]

Nicely done. I liked it. It's a beautiful poem.