We'll Never Say

　

What is it, that we are saying
with flicking eyes, holding tears

Stained faces shadowed

by pale fluorescence
I never believed your absence to be
only a fools game

We were never the same

and you always
told me so

As you turned to walk away

The moon shines harshly, breaking
down the landscape

into simple hues,

black and blue

The waters ripple

on the shore line,
boats bobbing

like dolls in the gutter

I could see the rust stains on your
heart that night

Like dried blood

on a pulsing face
your eyes stared out,

like a ghost

　

But then you were too far

and I couldn't read

your thoughts

any more

I still hold that fateful night,

forever embedded in my
mind's eye

When my face was as

close

to yours as it will
ever be

So I'll throw my wishes at the stars,

chant holy names, until

I'm breathless
drunk with thought,

and lonely inhibitions.

You'll always leave me

to my own mind
Leave me, wanting more

Neither of us will ever speak
of what goes on

Behind locked hearts

Years have passed

since we thew our arms out,

casting the key

into the water

But silence says more,

than your words

ever will.

Reviews

[Pax Analog]

This is beautiful and brilliant. A third major tonality to complement your more austere poems and your rough-hewn peer group narratives.

"The waters ripple/on the shore line/boats bobbing/like dolls in the gutter
I could see the rust stains on your/heart that night/Like dried blood/
on a pulsing face"

It is almost certain, ironically, that the eloquence of your pained alienation is more beautiful than the capabilities of the object of your longing.

"So I'll throw my wishes at the stars,/chant holy names until/I'm breathless/
drunk with thought,/and lonely inhibitions"

The nature of the poetic soul is to yearn for what is so often missing in an obtuse, narrowly defined world. Just know that you are finer than what wounds you, and your poignant voice will be increasingly heard and answered in kind.

Indelible and classically moving.

[Bard Constantine]

Highly impressive... the word weaving in this one is perhaps the best of yours I've read so far... stanzas five and six knocked me on my back... truly creative thinking. The entire piece trembles with melancholy and wistful longing for something that seemed better off lost... but the hurt remains. Wonderful writing...

[Ruth]

The goodbye element to this is clever love :) Stunning wording to express that emotion!
This leaves the reader drowning in sadness and remorse! Beautifully told
Awesome work
xx

[Sports Girl]

This is very pretty and well written. I loved this one. Nicely done.

[TAO]

boats bobbing

like dolls in the gutter


This line stood out... I'm not certain why... Either way, very well written piece, Ms. Moonflower. It's...heartbreaking...hurting... A wishsong.

[Norma M Sutton]

A interesting and thoughtful poem.

[Cynthia]

That's nice!

[Miss Coral]

Another wonderful piece... the imagery and emotions are really enchanting in this one. The rhythm is a bit disrupted in several places, but it wasn't super noticeable because I was so taken in by your words. Great write.

I really think this poem works on so many levels. You have a very nice visual narrative through this poem, taking the reader on your own little journey. Some things are a little choppy at times, but nothing an edit can't fix. The Ellipses in both spots are not working for me. Ellipses are meant to show something that isn't there, but when you follow them up with a cohesive and clear continuation of a sentence, it does not work. I will show you something in the following passage.

when my face was
as close to yours
as it will
ever be...[again.] _________________The Ellipses here is followed by [Again]
making it one complete sentence.
[again] should be omitted here in
order for the Ellipses to work right.


when my face was
as close to yours
as it will
ever be...________________________Here, the Ellipses is correct and
only shows that there is something
after the sentence, but never shows
exactly what it is. It merely assumes
and alludes to the presence of
something being there, but it never
says what is there.

I think what you were going for could easily get the same effect with either a comma, or a line break. The Ellipses just doesn't look right or feel right to me. Hope this has helped. Thanks. Very great poem so far. Probably one of the best I've read from you. Very nice tone, subtle and beautiful imagery, what's not to love?