About Painting It Red

Just thinkin'

I've been ruminating

On just what you said

That proverbial bull's

In my china shop head

And I'm loving each moment

Where that thought has led

I've been ruminating

On just what you said

About painting it red

Jim Lonsdale Poetry 2024

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I have to disagree with a previous comment. In poetry, if you give too much away the reader might figure out exactly what you are writing about, but it curbs their ability to find a meaning for them as individuals and to relate on that level. I have this disagreement with some of my teaching colleagues.
I feel the reader doesn't need to worry about what the poet was thinking when the poet wrote the poem but rather what the reader is thinking and feeling when reading it....and each reader might feel something different but appropriate to that particular reader.
just thoughts...

[Desert Knave]

Thank you. One of my friends on another poetry site, Anita, helped me a lot in leaving a bit for the reader to fill in. It is a difficult balance, but adds to the joy of writing for me. ~Jim

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Knave… a Bull in a China Shop can step softly with a Red flag.. my sign in April predicts .. gently, Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I really like that bull in the china shop head...chaos for sure...
but as Richard Wilbur professed in his poem "Mind"---
letting our mind wander will never hurt us, but "a graceful error may correct the cave"!

[JayG]

• I've been ruminating On just what you said

Look at this from the reader's viewpoint. They don't know who's speaking or being spoken to; They don't know where we are or what's going on. So for the reader, it's an overheard conversation that lacks context to make it meaningful.

But the reader is with you to be entertained, not learn your mood. So here, because there's nothing meaningful for the reader, is where many readers will turn away.

• That proverbial bull's In my china shop head.

Not a bad line, and if the reader knew WHY it's there, it would work. The thing is, in writing, context isn't just important, it's everything. Without it, all we have is words in a row, meaning uncertain.

• And I'm loving each moment Where that thought has led

Might work, IF we knew where it led. From a reader's perspective: we have a situation where this person's thoughts are about to be shattered, because of what someone unknown said. And they're LOVING that it's going to happen?

You have intent driving your understanding. The reader? They have what the words suggest to THEM, based on THEIR life experience, not the events you have in mind.

In short, you, the author are telling the reader things about you. But as E. L. Doctorow observed: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” Can they feel that without both context and emotion-based writing?

You have the desire, and that's great. But they've been refining the skills of poetry for centuries. So taking advantage of that makes a lot of sense.

They've also been refining the techniques of poetry. Things like using punctuation to aid the reader in knowing when a sentence ends mean that the reader gets it right as-they-read. That matters when you capitalize every line and have no stanzas.

So...was that harsh? Perhaps. But because you know the situation, and have intent guiding you, you'll not see the problems that trip the reader. And since we'll not address the issues we don't see as being problems, I thought you might want to know, especially given that the problems aren't related to talent, and, are fixable.

Try this: Trot over to Amazon and read the excerpt from Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled. You'll be amazed at the things about language that we use every day, but never notice,,,or use when writing poetry.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

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“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”

“It’s none of their business that you have to learn how to write. Let them think you were born that way.”
~Ernest Hemingway

[Desert Knave]

Thank you so much. When I first started writing I had a tendency to tell too much, so lately I have been a bit more vague. ~Jim