A Biography of Lupin Frivololofoffagass, VII

Just a silly short I wrote for literature. To, ahem, demonstrate my command of adjectives and pronouns.

          Lupin Frivololofoffagass the VII (18XX�"20XX) was considered by many to be the most wholly interesting man ever to have lived in the Isles of Mauve.  In his youth he was credited with the discovery of the Arcturan Mega-Donkey, a species which was soon thereafter found to be quite fantastically tasteless.  Though, the not-so-fantastically tasteful Mauvian populace soon ate the poor Mega-Donkey to near-extinction anyways, as they needed something to cook for their in-laws. (The few remaining mega-donkeys now live lavishly at one of Frivololofoffagass’s luxury resorts.)  This finding catapulted the strangely-named youth into the public eye, where he would prove to be one of the craftier members of the Frivololofoffagass family shrub�"within several weeks of his induction into the Mauvian School of Grammar and Crypticism, he wrote the now-famous “See Spot Run” series in order to display his command of both studies�"unbeknownst to most of his fans, the book was actually a manual on how to identify communist spies.  However, a very prominent (and sharp/ paranoid) man of the Mauvian government soon uncovered this, and a frenzied witch hunt of communist spies followed (resulting in the trial of a class of ESOL students and an actual communist spy, who then claimed relation to the very same Mauvian official who initiated the hunt in the first place, which was recently found to be botched as well.)  Shocked and disturbed by this most upsetting turn of events, he suddenly dropped out of the School and left to the neighboring Isles of Periwinkle; his stay there consisted largely of growing his hair out, wearing a funky pair of round eyeglasses and frowning a lot so he could appear more socially conscious and respectable. 

            Having spent his vacation in a state of total solitude and self-reflection, he abruptly realized that the “Isles of Periwinkle” did not sound quite as somber as was deemed necessary, and he relocated to the Isles of Olive Drab.  On a long and grueling walk along the rockiest and generally most undesirable beach in all of the Isles of Olive Drab, he stumbled upon a buried pirate treasure, which he in turn donated to charity to impress a girl that did not know Lupin existed.  This inevitably led to a spiraling depression and his venture into the music industry, writing the hit song “Cupid” under the alias of Sam Cooke.  This too sparked a communist witch hunt, and he was forced by the Drabian Department of Removing the Problem to leave the country with only a half-eaten bag of M&Ms and an inflatable lamp.  After washing ashore on a far-off land, he took the opportunity to begin life anew by the pseudonym of L. Conquistador; he attempted the practice of medicine in the Bahamas, despite harsh discrimination from the natives for his namesake.  While “testing” a new “cold medicine,” he “accidentally” broke the wheels off of his bicycle and in a strange series of missteps he connected the chassis to a scale and an odometer, thus inventing the exercise bike.  Making millions off of his happy mistake, he returned to his homeland and caught its people in the midst of a terrible civil war, with more sides to it than a turncoat tetrahedral.  While on a stroll in the park, he overheard two suspicious looking housewives saying, “Do you see Spot run?” The other answered: “Yes, I do see Spot run.  Do you have a match?”  “Yes, I do have a match.  Do you have a matchbox?”  “Here, quickly, take the coupons.”  Lupin Frivololofoffagass VII, the only man alive who could have seen the conversation for what it was, intervened and hastily snatched the coupons from the housewives, bringing them to the nearest police station.  The coupons were revealed to be the last remaining print of a ticket for one discounted snow cone of the grape-flavored variety, a treat held in the highest of regards of the Mauvian society, and interestingly enough the root of the ongoing conflict.  The recipe for the treat was printed in invisible ink, leading to the revival of a greatly loved and unifying frozen delicacy.  The war was officially ended the very next day, and Frivololofoffagass was elected the new leader of the country.  The very day after that, a strange mishap involving a rubber band and an Orwellian novel created a dimensional rift, sucking Frivololofoffagass and his prototype exercise unicycle through, never to be seen again. 

Author's Note

Say what you like, I suppose. It was inspired somewhat by Douglas Adams.