Growth

lol. This was the first "serious" poem that led me to write recent poems. I wasn't even going to post it..but there are people going through what i use to go through..but this is kind of like my growth as a person so...tell me what you think.

Through my worst experiences

i've written my best lines

carved out my best poems

to match your best lies

bleed out my soul on paper

just to survive

and spewed out words

just to avoid crying

over,

everlasting love,

or my friend dying

i was almost ready to give up

but i'm not done trying

because i don't just write to survive

i write to live

words flowing through my veins

i write to give,

and to breathe

because without this

id need a respirator

people don't phase me anymore

i embrace my haters

and more or less...

i embrace those who doubt me

when im infront of a mic

i spit it out proudly

i might've taken a break

but now i'm back again

and to ever stop me

you'll be prying pens from cold hands

and even then,

my words will be flowing

from my head

so why don't you just sit back

and listen instead?

Author's Note

give it to me straight people. tell me what you think. did i spell respirator right? that's really the only word i care about. But yea give me your honest to god opinion.

Reviews

[Spat Queen]

and to ever stop me
you'll be prying pens from cold hands

I love this. I wonder using the word cold "dead" hands is too excessive. Maybe it would give it a punch. I like this.

[RAWR!]

nice
i like spoken word alot but i really loved your punches.

my favorite

"because i don't just write to survive
i write to live
words flowing through my veins
i write to give,"

[Thug Life]

who currs if u spell that word right lol.. i always said it and imma say it again the best reads for me is when sumbody puts a REAL emotion into it.. and the most fucked up thangs that happen in our lives, make for the most amazin writes. "i embrace those who doubt me" right thurr, that says err thang bout you.. thaz al ineeda know im a fan awwready lol peace!!

[Kimberly]

I really envy people, like you, that have the ability to make their words sound like beats - like music - to the reader. I wish I could have introduced to another writer on the board, Rain, that could do that, too. Though his sounded poetry sounded more like jazz/beatnik beats while yours is more hip hop. Both of you are wonderful and talented and I am jealous.

I love the energy and defiance, the emotion and power of this poem and I am going to read more. A lot of us, being a part of the creative class, deal with just the sort of doubt that you describe from our everday lives from well-meaning friends and family. This poem strikes a chord with every person that is striving to do something out of the ordinary with their life. It's brave to stand up to them.

Two critiques: 1. I would love to hear this with your own voice, so maybe get with one of the few WOFers on the board and record some of your poetry. I think it would lend another dimension to it to hear it how you read it. 2. There are a few grammatical and clerical mistakes. Infront, id, things like that. They are minimal and don't detract from the piece (and if e.e. cummings can get away with it so can you) but I notice them because I'm a crazy person like that.

[Troy Baham Jr.]

"you'll be prying pens from cold hands"

that says it all right there. i'll admit that this peice wasn't the most complex work. but it was simple and brutally honest to the point that nobody could miss what you were trying to say. and fancy wordplay isn't always better than just saying something straightforward.

[☮]

Respirator was spelled right.

I enjoyed the poem. Raw honesty and passion for your craft.

"I embrace those who doubt me." - That line resonated with me. I embrace the haters as well. You have to learn how to use their energy for yourself.