Death of a Love one

 “Hold on,”

You say to th­e doctor.

“It’s not their time.”

Staring at your love one. Hoping, praying,

They still can make it.

 

Is it truly living, to not breathe on your own?

The struggle to live, the relief of death.

Which do they want more?

Gazing at your love one face.

 

Remembering the past,

The good times, the bad.

Years of memories, past by within seconds.

The final moments, what do you want to say?

 

The regret building up.

Your mouth full of cotton.

So many things to say,

What do you want to express first?

 

The doctor reaching over their body,

To unplug the machine.

Their breathing on their own, but for how long?

Tears spilling out uncontrollably.

 

 

Holding on

To the pain, the memories,

The feelings, and let it all out in a single cry.

You have to be strong,

And never let them go.

 

The final moments seem to last forever.

Deep in your thoughts,

Three words escape your mouth,

And sum up everything at once.

I love you.

 

Author's Note

I wrote this for my auntie that pass away on Christmas yesterday. I miss her so much, I think this capture the hearts of many people who have loss a love one. Hope you enjoy.

Reviews

[Dark Traveler]

Hi,

I guess this is a "return the favor" review. I don't know how kosher that is. I'm sorry for the tragedy of your aunt; I'd say that the poem illustrates that she was an excellent person. To that effect, it is honorably written.

My only recommendation would be to tighten the grammar https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/607/01/ and to replace the line that has the "cotton" metaphor. It's the only metaphor in the whole poem, really, and either needs replaced with a literal statement about the feeling of lacking the ability to speak or, more drastically, adding metaphors more consistently throughout the writing.

Well done.

[Vawn]

Ya I will look at the grammar, it wasn't a poem where I was trying to make it perfect. More so just to write it down and get it out of my head.