Hoarders

The things that can collect in your mind

There is a disorganization in my mind. The files and folders, boxes and cases are overflowing.
Memories flood my mind.  To dig and dig through the clutter, into the past.  These notions long past, that are ever waiting to be unturned.  If the right paper filled with notes from a distant day is moved aside, painful points of long gone days appear beneath in stark detail.
They are things that I thought that I had filed deep in the drawers.  Of course, I hadn't.  I'd just tossed them on the ever growing pile.  Too lazy to worry about putting it in its proper place.  And as a result, it is so easy to come upon it again.
Each attempt to read into something new is thwarted because it's so hard to pay attention when I'm buried beneath all these scraps of the past, poetry jotted on stubs of paper, songs recorded and tossed away.
I want to take control.  Put it all back in it's proper place.  It's just too difficult.  It's gotten too bad.  I can't do it on my own.  And I've lost the papers that I need to ask someone else.  They too are buried somewhere.  They've fallen between the files of some relationship that had gone awry.  Trapped in between two folders of past lovers with another one lying on top.
I can't ask without the papers.  And I can't learn it all over again.  It's just too damned hard.  And the paperwork that would be left over would just add to this disaster that's surmounted my brain.
It's wanting to break free.  All the torn folders, and bent boxes just pouring from my skull.  I want to give the memories back sometimes, mail them off to those that gave them.  But I can't do without them.  Without it all there, I don't know what to do.  I can't remember it ever being organized anymore, even though at some point it must have been.
I found a picture the other day of how it all used to be.  There was a file for God, and everything else just followed after.  These days, I'm not even sure where that folder has gone to.  I know its contents are scattered about, showing up at the times when I least expect them.  And often times when they are least wanted.  Most are buried along with those folders of the girlfriends that I once had.  And the papers that flow from each folder into the other.
I want to clean up the clutter.  I want to make it all go away.  It's too hard.  It's so hard.

Author's Note

Just stream of consciousness.
More for me than anything.

Reviews

[Jūdan FyreHeart]

I think I need a little army of secretaries and P.As to organised the chaos within my mind. Your way of describing the depths of cluttered pasts mixed with current experiences, how they spring themselves upon us at the least expected and most inconvenient of times. The human mind loves nothing more than to box, label and organise yet it all ends in some mess strewn across the floors of our mind. Who knows, perhaps there is even some twisted little pixie present in mind carefully moving and boxing thoughts, feelings and memories so they will draw negativity during times where smiles should be worn proudly.