In an Effort to Change the World

Just me trying to figure out my place in all this.

I want to change the world.  That is my dream.  It's been my dream.  Always.  As far back as I can remember.

I started when I was younger with this idealistic view of the world.  I just wanted my joy and happiness to radiate into the world.  I wanted to be a beacon shining brighter than what I saw the rest of the world.  I wanted to be the smart one, the nice one, the funny one, the caring one.  I thought everyone could be my friend and with that I'd change everything.  I didn't know how.  I didn't even know why.

As I grew older, I saw that the world was far more flawed than the world that my childhood daydreams believed in.  I found that there is a pervasive darkness that threatens to choke out the light, every little hopeful beacon attempting to eek out some hope into the world.  I grew upset and cynical.  How could I of all people effect any change?  I wasn't as smart as I thought I was.  I wasn't always nice.  My brand of humor wasn't the same as everyone's.  And I soon found that you could only care so much for everyone else before it became painful.  My small stake that I thought I'd placed in this spinning world was quickly being dislodged.  How could I of all people do anything good.  I swore, I cheated, I stole, I did so much wrong.  The only change I'd be able to affect was obviously either inconsequential or-even worse-negative.  But still I hold onto this hope that I can do some good.

"You're going to be famous one day," "You'll change the world somehow," "You really like need a talk show or something, man.  I'd watch it."  People who I've known for years, and people I've never met often tell me these things.  The validity of them, or whether they are said in jest is probably quite contestable.  I just have always drawn something from them.  It's this feeling that's always been within me.  That I am meant for something more.  But I am sure everyone has that same drive.  That same pull, right?

I want my voice to be remembered, moreover the words I speak.  I know that every life affects the lives of those around them, and the effects ripple even further beyond.  But I want my life to be more.  It's ridiculous I know.  Who am I?  I'm not rich, or even nearing successful.  I can't even get the initiative together to accomplish most of my goals.  These elaborate stepping stones to this pie in the sky destination, where my life is known by all.  And that life has effected the end of war, the end of greed, the end of all the foul and oppressive things of this earth.

I suppose I should be content with it all.  If I get a job, a wife, 2.5 kids, and read Grisham novels on a day to day basis.  Right?  Why is that good enough for everyone else, but I'm too arrogant, too full of myself for that to be ok for me?  I think it's all a lie, an elaborate hoax that I've told myself perhaps that has fooled me into thinking that this is the meaning of my life.  To transcend everyone else, and be a guide to all the darkness in the world.  To be not a beacon, but the f*****g sun apparently.

And there I go again.  That type of thinking is what would ultimately prevent me from causing any change in the world.  And change is needed, right?  It's not like the Christian missionaries who destroyed entire cultures with the belief that they were helping people reach an after life.  There are legitimate problems that need corrected.  These aren't simply the culture.  They are dark wounds in the flesh of the world.  They need to be healed.  Not just a bandaid, but complete healing.  And then teaching so the same wounds are not reopened.  That's what's needed.

Why can't I be the one?  Or at least one of the one's?  Why can't I be one of a few at least to help this generation be less apathetic?  Why can't we make the leader's see these squabbles are petty, that these wars are wrong, that life is precious and freedom isn't a right, but a neccessity of human existence?  Even if I do end up a follower of some other, I'd still make a change.  I'd be a number, but nonetheless, make the number larger.  If I can, I'll be the one.  Not a beacon, but a torch, so others can see where they are going in this dark world, instead of just sitting alone in the blackness.  If I am not the one, then I will follow the one who is.  Something needs to be done.  I feel I can do it...on some days.  On others, I think I'll leave it to somebody else.

Author's Note

This was just stream of consciousness. Nothing to really critique. Just tell me how you feel on the subject.

Reviews

[The Wave]

I feel if ever I need to be inspired, I just need to read one of your many impressive works, and so I find myself reading this particular piece once more...

I probably could read it over and over in actuality. Really nice job.

[Alphachad]

I think whoever has interest in reading this has the same feelings as you. It's honest and warm. Good read

[The Wave]

Love how this was worded.
and i'm sure just about any who reads this can relate well.

"They are dark wounds in the flesh of the world. They need to be healed. Not just a bandaid, but complete healing. And then teaching so the same wounds are not reopened."

I'm sure everyone see's these same problems and says, "oh yea, something should be done about that" but thats it, no initiative is taken and the problem is still there. why do we do nothing? because we think someone greater and more powerful will fix things. we need to stop complaining about the world if no one will do anything about it. talk is cheap.
someone needs to take that first step. and then a second step, and a third.

i definitely feel like theres more i'm suppose to do with my life than: school, work, career, and family. i know i can change the world...do right in a wrong world. i just dont know where to start or how to get on that road, but once thats figured out, i have NO doubt that things can get better. But it takes more than one person for a change.

good job.

[alice grant]

i love this - and can relate to it. at times the world seems to daunting to even attempt to make a difference. i think it's the effort that counts. you've got to try, or no one will. and if no one will, nothing will be changed.

great piece.