Depersonalized Dissociation

Imploding
entombed in
my personal Hell.
I’ve been booked for a long term stay.

Self loathing
consuming
my sense of self.
Who was i before these days?

I was oh - so wrong!
I’ve been holding on way too long,
thinking that my life would change
some day.
I just had to wait,
and maybe Fate
would have pity on me -
something i never have seen...

I don’t know why i thought i was special -
an egocentric optimist.
But i’m so down all of the time.
I’m the
most depressing of narcissists.

A piece
of the puzzle
has gone missing,
and more
disappeared
while i was looking.
So, please
disregard
my porous identity.
I fear
the space between
is all that they will see.

I don’t know why i’m so obsessed -
the most flawed of perfectionists,
but it’s anyone’s guess cuz
with a
keen sense for faults i was blessed.

Envy for those who have done
what i never could dream -
to pull it back together again
and finally accept what is me.

I am who i am
or am I?
Or am I who i will be?
So, i think i might
be ever becoming...
No day,
will i ever reach Me....

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

the struggle to find one's identity is fraught with pain, destruction, misguidance and pit falls ... but we must take that train or live wasted along the tracks :( i love the introspective aspects of this poem .. and the brutal honesty of it ... hitting that place that says .. "who did i think i was" ... is profound in its effects on us ... i recently heard or read (don't know which) that ones self is built upon the bones of all our past selves ;) when broken ... we are renewed .. takes just a wee bit of Faith and trust of the Power outside ourselves ..greater than oursleves ... thought provoking read for me! thanks for sharing!
E.

[Kari Rakitan]

Life is a river of constant change. Every day we grow, wilt, or undergo pruning. Sometimes a little of everything happens to us.

[Coyote Poetry]

My friend. I agree with your logic.
"I am who i am
or am I?
Or am I who i will be?
So, i think i might
be ever becoming...
No day,
will i ever reach Me..."
The above lines are true. I do believe, we become what we suppose to. We decide our place and our beginnings, endings. Thank you my friend for sharing the powerful words.
Coyote

[albee]

Nice rhymes that aren’t forced
Thought flows well
Emotion is a torrent in this poem