Doesn't Matter

I've spent too much time dying but still I'm not yet dead,

I've spent too much time drowning, but I'm not in over my head.

I've spent too much time trying for you to say I haven't succeeded,

I've spent too much time falling to say that my heart hasn't receded.

 

This is a matter of my narcissism, the ultimate conceit,

I should learn it doesn't matter.

This is my convoluted theoretics, my personal deceit,

I should learn it doesn't matter.

 

My personal revelation-why should I try for you?

I'd given up on myself, I know I can't pull through.

Bleeding on the inside, I force a feeble smile and show face,

and it's so sad because you've only looked at me with distaste.

 

I've learned that my feelings don't matter, nobody really cares,

and so I'll fade away, and I know nobody will notice I'm missing.

I've learned that I don't matter, and no matter how much everyone stares,

they see my lips moving, but nobody's ever really listening.

I know it doesn't matter, but I wanted to be someone I'm not,

I wanted to be someone who'd fit into the puzzle without being caught.

I've lived a lie for all of you people who won't even cry,

when I fall out of sight, wither away and die.

I'm nothing, and I pretended to be something less,

but now I know misery is what I do best.

I won't show face for someone who probably won't remember my name,

and the next time you see me, I promise I won't be the same.

 

You don't believe in me and I can't believe I've wasted this time for you,

I was just your sordid, sappy joke-laughing, crying at the picture we drew.