Beginning

The wheels of fate begin to turn...

“Nice to see you back, Deputy Sylva!  Your head in the right place, now?”

 

I didn’t respond to the secretary as I walked past her desk, looking at the place surrounding me for the first time.  The walls were thick with grey, gloom inspiring wallpaper littered with ‘Missing’ papers.  Everything was white, black, grey, and the only variety lie within the deep red letters upon the pictures on the wall.  Older pictures on the wall were beginning to fade, and the small cluster of desks lining the room perfectly made it look as it felt:  A tomb for the living-monochrome except for MISSING.

 

I’d given it a thought, what I’d do when I’d gotten here…but now, I found the bitter resolution had deserted me in place of hesitation.  I looked at the desks, and saw my superior speaking with the chief at the centermost, most distant desk.  For a moment, I wondered if I should even try to speak to them.  As I approached, the decision was made for me as deputy Earlston saw me, and smiled a smile that was once warm.  Now, it felt eerie, sending a chill through my spine and the ache of a knife through my chest…did they really feel no remorse?

“Welcome back, Deputy Sylva, I was just telling Chief Larrison what a great job you’d done a few days ago.  Your training is officially over, and you’re finally a full deputy.  Congrats!”

“Wow…thanks…I…”  I trailed off…choking on the words I was dying to say earlier.”

“You what, Deputy?”

“Never mind.  Thank you for your assistance through all of my training…”

“It was an honor to be of service.”

 

            He smiled once more…and I hated him then.  The cold b*****d hadn’t mentioned, hadn’t given anymore thought to Carrie and Jamie.  Just as bad in my mind, I’d become a full deputy after all this time…I weighed this day with strong anticipation before, but now it sent a wave of dread throughout all of me.  Just like always, I went to the secretary to see if I’d gotten any deliveries-I wanted to seem normal as I reconsidered my decision.

 

“Sylva, you okay?”

“Any mail for me?”

 

            The secretary looked up at me, her rough leathery face hardened with the irritation of my terseness.  I met her gaze with one of my own, we never got along.  She took every chance she got to downplay me, but I would not give her the opportunity today.  She held up my new badge-my full badge for me.  She held onto it as I placed my hand on it, to speak with that grating hag voice of her’s.

 

“It was here for you yesterday as well, Sylva-had you taken too long to—“

“Deputy Sylva, Ms. Geoffrey.  I am no longer beneath you, so choose your words more carefully when you address me.”  Her eyes flashed a warning I met with an equivalently cold resolve.

“Power running to your head?  You are aware that the first month of your ‘honorary’ position is traffic-duty, right?”

 

            I looked across the old b***h’s desk for something-a stapler, a hole-puncher…something to strike her with.  I saw multitudes of options, but I resisted temptation for a moment longer, choosing to learn more about my situation.  She couldn’t be serious-f*****g traffic duty?  All that work, all that build-up for traffic duty?  I hadn’t realized how hard I’d bitten my lip until I could taste the blood pooling around my tongue.  I almost heaved, quickly turning and spitting into the trash can-then it dawned on me that she saw, and the fire of my rage subdued for the constant chill of embarrassment.

 

“You okay, Deputy?”

“Traffic duty?”  Ms. Geoffrey laughed.

“You…you’re serious?”

“Relax, it gets better…”

 

            I looked from her polished desk to the worn out desk of Deputy Earlston, my former superior.  He was on the telephone, laughing at my reaction with someone-probably his wife.

 

“Geoffrey’s a rough one, I tell you.  She coulda broke it to her a little easier!”

 

            Guess I was the only one not amused…I heard snickers coming from all around the room, the snickers of those who’d already been there and done that.  I wondered for a minute how many of them Geoffrey’d gotten, but after a moment’s consideration, it became an irritation for me, and nothing more.

 

“You b******s…”

 

            I felt relieved, in the end.  All this truly meant was that I wouldn’t have to do any…arrests for a while.  I could take it easy and relax, out in the hot, hot sun, directing traffic and give more thoughts to how to hell to get over this whole thing…if there was a way to get over being a murderer.

 

            What if I saw Carrie there while I worked-then what?  What if I still managed to have to arrest people?  Then…this wouldn’t be an escape, just crawling from one hole into another.  Still, I was pleased-this hole has a bit more light then the one I’m in now.  I was sure I’d be well aware of my situations from start to finish-and if I focused, there would be no Carrie to worry about.