Mah (Mom)

some flashbacks from my mom passing away

I open my sheet , intending to write my thoughts, but it seems to me it’s kind of hard to write without me starting with her, she fill me , her death almost killed me, and till now I cant accept her death, her passing away is fate , we all going that path , but sometimes people leave before their time, and in horrible circumstances, I lived her sickness moment by moment, we had faith that she will survive it , and move on with our lives and have a blessing one, happily feeling the factory , but in a moment when you fought so much battles , and we die in one of them , you can't feel satisfied or feel that its fair, to fight the fate and your believe is fighting along with us , and after losing the war , you just losing your believe cause you can’t imagine else than the fate we fought is powered and designed from your believe that you thought it was beside us.

 

I miss her like no one can imagine, and in her worse days we were wishing fro a better life for her , a new start even if it cost her death, death hugged her, I cant just forget she is lying on that bed , her hands lay with her, eyes towards sky ,  and you just cant do anything , I still remember a weeks back , we was in the hospital , in a cold room , in a cold night where the snow was not the white visitor , I still remember that old lady laying on that bed and she was breathing very difficultly and making weird sounds , was like someone is blocking her breath and stealing herself, it was death hug, I remember when the medical staff were all over her, trying to bring her back, I stood beside her , just staring at her pale face and open mouth , I still remember her cold hands, they were very cold , her veins very clear, what happened, I didn’t care as much I just came back to mom’s bed and held her hands , were like staring at each other, mom I’m with you , do not be afraid , its not your time yet, you are going to live long life and you will us happy again , and your dreams will come true , and you will raise my kids and my brother kids , we will be happy family , with no hospitals , no injections , no medicine , no doctors and no nurses, no long nights , no pain, no stitches, just us , you and me, I’m yours and you are my only one in my heart,

 

I still remember when I pulled my hands that night , and you freaked out , Dima Dima don’t leave me , im here Mah,  im not leaving you, I love you momy.

 

How can I accept some one leave me like this, how can i live normal life without my best friend. How can just say I’m fine and I’m okay, and the pain will be easy with days, how can I just forgive the disease and say no more of it, I know that you are in a better place now , but I miss seeing your face, I miss your sounds, your wisdom , Mah we didn’t accomplish much of what we dreamed of.

 

I’m trying to carry on and complete our path, but its so damn hard without you around, I feel like I was born again in a nowhere place , I don’t have a home and don’t have a soul.

Author's Note

Please note im just Sharing pain with you so i can breath a bit.

Reviews

[SKY]

Thank you dear for sharing my sadness. Hope u never lose ur closest ppl around you.

[SleeplessVolcano]

Your love for your mom is so tangible in this piece. My condolences for your loss. A truly inspirational write.