That Time in the Afternoon

                                     

             That Time in the Afternoon

 

   That afternoon in time,

   Encapsulated,

   As in amber

   The hard perfect jewel

   That keeps imperfect memory

   In perfected time

   Preserver of the soft, the perishable

   That so unlike a clock,

   Keeps time as it should be

   The jewel hard pivot of

   That perfect time

   In that perfect afternoon

                   When she first said...

Reviews

[Vera Anne Wolf]

The fact that the word "perfect" is used five times in this kinda stands out in a bad way for me, but I liked the image of an amber jewel that has captured something within. (Mind went to Jurassic Park here). But Amber can capture anything.

The fact that you leave us hanging at the end stumps me a bit. Why? I'm sure you have your reasons, but as a reader, I feel a bit deflated.

[Delmar Cooper]

Repetitive? Moi? Yeah absolutely. I assumed a reader would supply the perfect statement from the reader's own experience, but you know how assumptions work. For instance, I assumed a writer of novels would have read a story of mine rather than a cheesy poem. Drat.

[Vera Anne Wolf]

Ahh, I'd be happy to do that. I think I "assumed" based on the number of poems I saw on your profile that they were all you had xD

[Delmar Cooper]

Poetry (or poemlike mishmash) is a sideline. I wanna write stories when I grow up.

[Neville]

It matters not a single tick of the clock, these words are surely fine and shall stand the test of time........Neville

[Delmar Cooper]

Oh Neville you are so full of it. "Test of time" ? They won't make it past Saturday.

[Neville]

maybe they will, maybe they wont.....only time will tell........All Good Things.....Neville

[h d e rushin]

I want to believe in poetry again like i use to. when i was younger and had a head of hair and each night
the world returned to me. Then, love could be so segmented, or if you will Delmar, convertible where the top of it, soft and gentle, could be rolled back, lowered or removed. Time is fucked up like that. I mean being logical or even mathematical, it holds no true interchangeable hypothesis. The time we have is just the time we have.....great poem../ dana

[Delmar Cooper]

Sorry to be so tardy in reply - missed this entirely. I wrote an essay once on the relative speed of time, had charts and graphs too, a real pip it was. Upshot was time moves at different speeds according to a formula that involves the lubrication of pleasure as it relates to the drag factor of pain. To wit: The time spent reading the magazine article in the waiting room moves at a different rate once you reach the dentist's chair, even if the clock says differently.

[Laurierose]

Very deep. I like the emphasis of the jewel. The "hard, perfect jewel." It reminds me of the stillness of time that imprisons moments--perfect or otherwise--in it's place in the past. Moments are fleeting, however, it doesn't mean they're forgotten. It's more so the opposite; we can reflect on the hard jewel from our memory with eyes of nostalgia of what was. Though still, it's worth the wonder. Great read.

[Delmar Cooper]

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I am glad it was pleasing to read. That is important to me. Thanks.

[Anise]

some memories are etched in so deep they never go away, this is what your poem reminds me of. those memories, some good others bad, that stay with us forever and so vividly

[.]

When she first said....."I Love you"? That would be the perfect moment in the perfect place at the perfect time. And a love to be perfected and captured forever.

Very original use of repetition, Delmar. The word placement continually makes the reader focus on its meaning in relation to the theme of the poem.

A very dreamy write. Enjoyed immensely. Nicely written.

[Delmar Cooper]

Thank you for reading and for your comments.

[Richard McLin]

Great piece, I loved the words in this piece it brought to mind so many things

The hard perfect jewel
That keeps imperfect memory.

Great lines, from a great poet. Nicely done.
-Richard

[Chris]

Quite a thought to be captured within amber - to be discovered by un-yet-dreamed generations...hope it won't be considered as a dead-language from an extinct species...

[Delmar Cooper]

Sooner or later the roaches will rule. Considering current circumstances, sooner I think.

[Great Aunt Astri]

I am glad you wrote, 'Encapsulated AS in amber', and not actually IN amber. Now perhaps she can continue to say ....... But if the 'imperfect memory' is definitely in the past, then I think the 'amber' metaphor is a very original and apt one for long gone beautiful memories. The repetitive 'perfect' is very effective. There is a long tradition in poetry, of using a word over and over and over again. I enjoyed your poem.

[Delmar Cooper]

From your mention of the repetitive "perfect" I assume you read Vera's comment. I respect her sensibilities and in any other form of writing than poetry she would be perfectly (sic) correct, but in any other form of writing I would not be so repetitious. I hope. I see you , at least tacitly, approve of my ellipsis, thank you. There are many things that are memorable when first said, I wanted to imply any and all of them.
Again thank you for reading and taking time to make your flattering , and useful comment.

[Great Aunt Astri]

Not too flattering I hope! ( I sometimes feel a bit suspicious when someone writes something over flattering!) I sometimes use a word repetitively in my stories too ... for emphasis .. although I know that is considered bad practice. I did not know that a line of dots was called an ellipsis. One learns something new every day!!!

[Delmar Cooper]

If I could learn just one new thing a day I'd be pretty smart at the end of the day.

[CD Campbell]

That you suck? That she loves you? Your the greatest writer that ever lived? You have mustard on your shirt? I'm thinking it's one of these. You used repetitive wording to great effect. Yes, I read the review below, but since I use that technique sometimes, I believe it's brilliant. My one gripe is that if you had covered the moment in amber you would be "perfectly" dead. And who would I give a hard time? It's a really great poem, but I'll let others gush that. See ya. CD

[Delmar Cooper]

Pretty funny. But, she's ok, just not used to my type of genius, yours either I'll bet. No, it isn't mustard- I painted the utility trailer this color and some of it souvinered onto my shirt. Still a good shirt you know?