Sister Dominica examined Alain, then looked over at me. “Is his father
with you, in the waiting room perhaps? It’s all right for him to be
in here.”
“No sister.
His father is not with us.” I didn’t say, “His father didn’t come
with us.” No, I didn’t say that because I did not want to lie,
and I didn’t say, “His father is no longer with us.” I didn’t say
that because I did not want to tell the truth. But, her question
worried me.
“Is his
father from Medellin? I have heard of men from Medellin who had
things like . . . . Oh, men who are, well, men who are like Alain,
you know?”
I understood
then, and relaxed. She knew nothing. There was no dreadful
diagnosis she wanted or needed to tell only to both parents. She
wasn’t asking where his father was, just who he was. “His
father is a sailor.” The nursing sister waited, seeming to expect
something more.
“Look, is
something going around? Alain coughs all the time. Have the
other sisters treated coughing children?” Affirming my words, Alain
summoned a deep, phlegmy, chest cough. “You see? Like
that, all the time now.”
“You brought
him in just for the cough?”
“Sister,
sometimes bad things start with just a cough. I wanted to take no
chances.”
“You may get
him dressed now. The cough? Simple congestion. Use any over
the counter syrup that has guaifenesin. I’ll write that word
down for you. Just read the label. Air in Bogotá isn’t good these
days, too many cars now, too much exhaust. Modern times they
say, progress. At least we don’t have all the drug problems they
have up north.” She ran her hand lightly over Alain’s back
and guided him off the table. “And, you’re sure about
Medellin?”
Perhaps
it was only the air. Outside the clinic Alain coughed three times
in racking succession. “Mamma look, Italian ice. Can I have an
Italian ice? Do they have cherry? Please Mamma.” Just the
thought of Italian ice seemed to stop his cough and I bought him a
small cherry scoop. Maybe this is all in his head or in mine?
“A good ear,
nose and throat man. That’s what you need for Alain.” My
mother never lacked opinions. She watched all the television
doctor shows.
“The nursing
sister said it was bad air and..."
“Sister? Nuns
don’t give a s**t about a boy’s body. Now, collection
plates? That’s something they know. They understand money pretty
damn good. How can a woman who never spread her legs for
a man understand children? You find a Jew. Jew doctors are
smart, know how to fix things.” Mother knew all about it. The
sun had risen and set on her Jew, Dr. Weismann. He put up
with her for years until he finally smoked himself to death.
“He seems
better. I’ll keep him inside today. Maybe it is only dirty air.”
“Right. Don’t
listen to your mother. That’s how you got Alain in the first
place. If you had listened to me..."
“Enough
Mother. I’m glad to have Alain and I would change nothing.”
“No, no
changes whatever. Your little nameless sailor boy. Sure, sure, I
believe all that s**t. But, I tell you his father was from Quito. There
are men like that in Quito, high up in the mountains.
I’ve seen too many doctor shows about heredity to be wrong, and
I know there are men like that in Quito. Not exactly the
seashore resort, Quito, but you can make a baby anywhere.
Here, rub his chest with menthol cream.”
The menthol
cream smelled nice but did nothing for Alain’s cough. In the
morning it was no worse, and no better either. My aunt, who is
not quite as crazy as her sister, told me about an old woman who
had been born up in the Andes. She told fortunes and
hexed away warts, but it was said she could draw thrash from a
child by sucking his breath. It wasn’t that long a trip and my
aunt took us in her car.
The woman
gave us tea that smelled like rosemary, but had no taste at all.
“You aunt, she told me you were to bring this boy. Is shy? He
shy?”
“Alain? No he
is just trying to be polite. We’ve been working on manners. He
wants to please me. Very outgoing, not shy at all.”
“Sorry, I say
wrong. Is modest? Bashful? I want to see naked.”
She put her
craggy head on Alain’s back and pushed his shoulder
blades apart with her hands. She listened for about five minutes
until Alain began his impolite, restless, flitter flutter.
“Heart strong. Little fast, but strong.” She ran her hands all over
Alain’s body and seemed particularly interested in his nails and
pinched the flesh between his fingers and toes. She stroked the
skin of his ankles up and down with the backs of her fingers, and
probed the base of his spine just north of sodomy. “The father,
he Peru man, no? Men like this boy sometime in Peru they
say.”
“His father
is a goddamn sailor. What about his cough”
“Cough? Oh, I
give you a tea, fix up good. But probably just bad air.”
* * *
The allergist
was a very nice man, not a Jew, but obviously good at his job.
His office was wallpapered with diplomas and awards. He had a
soothing professionalism that wasn’t a bit cold or distancing.
Alain seemed to take to him immediately, sensing the genuine
interest behind his avuncular, familiar manner.
“It’s an
allergy. The scratch test confirms it.”
“Thank God. I
was worried about lung disease and every fatal illness I’ve
ever heard of.” I was so relieved that tears welled up.
“Normal
reaction, to fear the unknown. Relax, you did all the right things.
This isn’t a common allergy, it’s extremely rare here, but all
allergy treatments are essentially the same. First we treat the
symptoms. Medication to quiet the reaction. An injection
today will jump start the process. Pills every day for a week, and
then a pill as needed. In your son’s case we won’t be able to
easily isolate him from the allergen, but the pills will keep him on
track.”
“I’ll be sure
he takes the medicine. Is there no way to keep him away from
the, what did you say, the allergen?”
“Don’t worry
he’ll probably grow out of it, and it will stop when he gets old
enough to groom his own . . . to groom himself properly.
Tiny organisms that live on avian mites are the cause. His father
isn’t Chilean by any chance? I ran into men . . . in cases like
this in Chile.”
“I don’t talk
about his father much. Frankly, I did not know him well. We were
together only briefly. I never even learned his name, but he
said he was a sailor. He told me that when he had to sail again
he would never be able to sail back. He said that. That, and he
said he would never be able to forget me either.”
“I see."
The doctor tousled my boy's hair and stroked his back affectionately.
"Alain, you are lucky to have your mother’s eyes and good
heart. Perhaps when you are older and more developed you
will sail like your father. Well, give him the pills. Call me if he
runs a fever that baby aspirin won’t reduce or if he is still
coughing after a day or two. Oh, and if his wings begin to molt, even a
little, bring him straight in.”
The recurring questions and observations about the father keeps you wondering what they see, but the play on regional biases ("I've seen men like this in {Medellin, Quito, Peru, or Chile}") acted as a sort of MacGuffin. The repeated observations about Bogota's air quality inserted some uncertainty as well. I'm not sure what I expected, but I wasn't really prepared for the answer! The statements about avian mites and grooming himself puzzled me on first reading; it took the final sentence about wings molting to bring everything into focus.
I suspect there were clues embedded in the father's story that went over my head. Should I have read more into the fact that the sailor said he would not be able to return, or that he would never forget her?
As always, thanks for an enjoyable read...
Posted 3 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
3 Years Ago
So glad you enjoyed it and followed it s well.
"I suspect there were clues embedded in the .. read moreSo glad you enjoyed it and followed it s well.
"I suspect there were clues embedded in the father's story that went over my head. Should I have read more into the fact that the sailor said he would not be able to return, or that he would never forget her?"
No or not exactly, but as this is a written story and the characters are speaking characters I may have taken undue liberty with the spelling of, sailer."
LOL I'm usually not a short story kind of guy but I have to admit this kept me going:) I was very surprised by the ending and in retrospect i should have seen the clues but that is just a testament to your clever story lines.
Posted 3 Months Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
3 Months Ago
Thank you for reading and for your gracious comment. I am glad the surprise was acceptable and not .. read moreThank you for reading and for your gracious comment. I am glad the surprise was acceptable and not overly telegraphed.
I’d categorize this as exotic, allegory/mythology. Your dialogue and narrative leads the reader, tantalizes the imagination, tickles the obvious questions until the end…and then the reveal makes the reader reconsider and reconstruct what they just read as something so much more. I enjoyed the read and the mental/cognitive twist at the end. Well honed, enjoyed.
Posted 2 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
2 Years Ago
Thanks for reading and taking time to comment. I had read something categorized as magical realism .. read moreThanks for reading and taking time to comment. I had read something categorized as magical realism and wanted to try something like that.
2 Years Ago
Fabulist, or magical reality, one of my favorite genres, seems no matter how I start a story… it e.. read moreFabulist, or magical reality, one of my favorite genres, seems no matter how I start a story… it ends up in that category anyway. Lol
Delmar - I'm almost ashamed to admit it but I seldom read stories posted here, despite the fact that I post a few myself. I started this, reluctantly, but then found I couldn't stop. I can only hope that my writing reads as well as yours.
Take care - Dave
Posted 2 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
2 Years Ago
I post only rather short stores and flash fiction here . It is hard to find a reader willing to tac.. read moreI post only rather short stores and flash fiction here . It is hard to find a reader willing to tackle a big block of print. Thanks for reading and your generous comment.
The recurring questions and observations about the father keeps you wondering what they see, but the play on regional biases ("I've seen men like this in {Medellin, Quito, Peru, or Chile}") acted as a sort of MacGuffin. The repeated observations about Bogota's air quality inserted some uncertainty as well. I'm not sure what I expected, but I wasn't really prepared for the answer! The statements about avian mites and grooming himself puzzled me on first reading; it took the final sentence about wings molting to bring everything into focus.
I suspect there were clues embedded in the father's story that went over my head. Should I have read more into the fact that the sailor said he would not be able to return, or that he would never forget her?
As always, thanks for an enjoyable read...
Posted 3 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
3 Years Ago
So glad you enjoyed it and followed it s well.
"I suspect there were clues embedded in the .. read moreSo glad you enjoyed it and followed it s well.
"I suspect there were clues embedded in the father's story that went over my head. Should I have read more into the fact that the sailor said he would not be able to return, or that he would never forget her?"
No or not exactly, but as this is a written story and the characters are speaking characters I may have taken undue liberty with the spelling of, sailer."
Oh, the name. No hidden agenda I once worked with a guy from Peru his name was Alain. Simple as tha.. read moreOh, the name. No hidden agenda I once worked with a guy from Peru his name was Alain. Simple as that.
3 Years Ago
Doesn't change the possibilities.
Imagined flights of fancy being such
wonderful bal.. read moreDoesn't change the possibilities.
Imagined flights of fancy being such
wonderful balm to the soul. :))
3 Years Ago
Must be wonderful to have such a balmy soul. I envy you.
Well well, what do we have here?
For a start lots of white showing that is a good thing
A mass of black print overwhelming the page overwhelms the reader as well.
Quito, high in the Andes?
So, children, from high altitude parents living at or below sea level in an industrialised city it's more than possible to have chest infections
but this isn't about that it is about a mother of a half boy - part bird with a nod towards some sort of strange sex.
The curiosity that the beginning of this brief tale generated was enough for this self-confessed and well-known none story reader to continue to the very end but I had to go back over it for clues.
A Condor or Angel.
regards from rew
Posted 3 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
3 Years Ago
Glad you stooped to conquer. For the poetry queen to deign to read a story of mine is an honor, sor.. read moreGlad you stooped to conquer. For the poetry queen to deign to read a story of mine is an honor, sorry honour. You filt about with trial poetic forms, I was trying on Magical Realism for size. I hope it entertained. I did no research and relied on the supposition that Norte Americanos have no concept of South American geography.
Honor - Honour
it reminds me of an old joke:
She offered her honour
he honoured.. read moreHonor - Honour
it reminds me of an old joke:
She offered her honour
he honoured her offer
an' it was on-her an' off-her
all night.
3 Years Ago
I will steal that one, thank you. Here's another I stole:
There once was a man named McGrude.. read moreI will steal that one, thank you. Here's another I stole:
There once was a man named McGruder
Who met a nude and he wooed her
She thought it was crude
To be wooed in the nude
But McGruder was shrewder, he screwed her.
This is top-notch writing in every respect. Wow! I'm very envious of how smoothly this reads, how I felt so compelled by the reading, the entire way, and how your storyline feels so fresh & authentic & unexpected. I did not feel one single bump about anything. You can't come up with a tighter story than this. I just read a book of John Steinbeck shorts & he has nothing over you, not one bit (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie
Posted 3 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
3 Years Ago
You are to kind to compare me to Steinbeck. I read him a lot when I was in high school and enjoyed .. read moreYou are to kind to compare me to Steinbeck. I read him a lot when I was in high school and enjoyed the movies made from his works. You are the fist in the café to comment on this latest revision. The previous version was a tiny bit too subtle and most readers seemed to lose focus before the end. My fault not theirs.
I am not going to repeat what's been said below about what the story means, etc. I have my own ideas and it would be great to read what happens next.
Main thing I enjoyed personally was the dialogue which I found really engaging. The repeating of the ran into men in quito, brazil, chile etc. was genius.
Posted 3 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
3 Years Ago
Thank you for reading. I have a lot of poetry in my inventory but only because this Café is riddle.. read moreThank you for reading. I have a lot of poetry in my inventory but only because this Café is riddled with poets. My first love is the short story. So, I'm going to send you a friend request so I can see when you post something.
I rarely read stories, something about attention span, but I enjoyed this for your enjoyable language usage, making a fairly common scenario into an entertaining read
Also, I am now faced with the daunting task of finding a slot for 'phlegmy' in one of my no-sophisticated efforts
It must be a terrible situation to be in to not know anything about the sperm donor besides that he was a sailor. (I'm a former sailor and that makes one wonder) It seems in each separate opinion there is more of an effort to probe for knowledge about our heroines past than there is about the boy. Which I find somewhat funny and provoking.
You story shines with the dialogue. I want to say that. It reminds me of a short story that looks somewhat like a script that could easily be adapted into a short film. It definitely doesn't struggle to keep you interested, that's for sure.
Posted 5 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
5 Years Ago
Thanks for reading. I had read some magical realism before writing this. I may have caught some of.. read moreThanks for reading. I had read some magical realism before writing this. I may have caught some of it, in many ways it is akin to "The Leap."