Finishing

Finishing

 

Briefly, my feet compress the sand

     I feel it grind beneath me

Briefly, dry scald of wind scours my face

     Then slips and whips behind me

And all of an instant my steps erase

 

As sand does polish and abrade

      So this sand will polish me

Briefly beautiful,  smooth white bones

      Open to view, part sand part me

Until a final grinding, then man entirely sand

 

Reviews

[Stellaa3]

Very powerful poem! My interpretation of this poem is about death. The wind represents the inevitability of death and how the marks we leave in life often tend to fade away along with our bodies (" And all of an instant my steps erase"). Amazing job! :)

[Delmar Cooper]

Thanks for your beautiful and thoughtful comment. I am not a poet, but even a blind hog will find an acorn now and then.

[Dave]

We are all ground away by the trials of life. That is the impression I get from this. Burnished by wind, rain until we are nothing more than our bare bones and they too will all too soon vanish.

Take care of yourself - Dave

[Delmar Cooper]

Thank you for reading this poem and taking time to comment. I seem to have read a Greek play about the bones of a hero in the sand about the ruins of Troy. At any rate, I think I remember it. I seem to remember it had the line, "Let no man say it cannot happen here." I really believe it can and probably already has. Whatever "it" may be.

[Dave]

I'm reminded of another line, that gives hope.
"And this too shall pass."
Take care - Dave

[Nusquam Esse]

I like the parallel given between the various meanings of "Finishing"... As if nature itself is a carpenter. It isn't just a time, to finish; but also a state of being. And so we all return to dust. My only real critique would be to evaluate the balance between unnecessary words, and your thematic choices. The more you trim out what doesn't contribute, the more your repetitions will show themselves as a mantra of sorts. This isn't something for me to point out examples, as these choices are certainly the author's to make. But to be merciless in trimming any words that don't precisely match your intention, it is invaluable for such thematic pieces. To use words as a tool for emotion, precision in grammatical construct is every bit the boon as word-choice. Sometimes you don't need one line to grammatically link to another, as fragments of thought can have all the power if not more than a fully fledged sentence. In poetry, we seek to convey something different than prose; we seek to convey something outside of just the words we speak, and sometimes this is best accomplished by being ambiguously succinct. Again, I am not giving this as a criticism, so much as another way you can evaluate your poem... Does a line like "So this sand will polish me" still works as "So sand will me" or "So this sand will me". How do these trims of words impact cadence, meaning, or impact? Does having the repetition of polish in this line increase its impact, or detract? If it detracts, does a synonym help, or just trimming it? If it does increase its impact, can removing some transitional words (And is a huge potential culprit) make it stand out better? I mostly write prose, so it took a while for me to see the flexibility poems could give my grammar; to deliberately use a lack of punctuation to ambiguously link themes and lines. It is just bad writing in prose, ambiguous sentence structure makes for poor reading. But in poetry, when the focus shifts to the words, this is no longer the case; line breaks are your own, and function like fragments of thought. How those fragments connect? It doesn't have to be clear to convey something personal and powerful.

[Delmar Cooper]

When I commit a short story I remind myself to be merciless in the slaughter of excess, to render the reader the lean, and the wastebasket the fat. Poetry should be even leaner, so advice well rendered.

[Papaya]

I get the sense there is more going on here.
The romantic notion of taking your final steps away, back to nature, back to the earth.
And over time she absorbs you, joined again.

[Delmar Cooper]

Thanks for reading. It is amazing how much poetry can be written about dust.

[Papaya]

It's so versatile. :)

[Neville]

I could read these words until the cows come home....And that my fine literary friend is a compliment indeed......Neville

[Delmar Cooper]

I appreciate your comment, knowing the traditional waywardness of cattle as I do.

[Neville]

Moosic to my ears..................Neville

[Nipplegrinder]

This is a very well spun piece. Love the flow.

[andrew mitchell]

A lovely write which has inspired me.

[Delmar Cooper]

Thank You for reading.

[barleygirl]

I love this message & your artful word-crafting. I've always been a fan of the way life abrades us into more polished beings, a concept you've conveyed here with the lovely idea of sand & wind. Good job of capturing the sensations as well as the meaning (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Delmar Cooper]

Thanks for reading and taking time to comment.

[PandaPeaceful]

Short yet, beautifully magnificent. I admire your way with words, and I am captured by your simple metaphor. Fantastic job!

[Delmar Cooper]

It is short, but it goes from here to there and I couldn't ask more of Amtrack.

[PandaPeaceful]

Surely. Sometimes the most impacting poems are the shortest ones.