Second Sight

Second Sight 

 

               They’d stopped wearing the penguin suits before I came here.  You know what I mean, the habits.  That’s probably why it happened to her.  Who’d mug a nun?  If a mugger knew she was a nun, I mean.  They all look like gym teachers now, but come to think about it who’d mug a teacher?  They don’t make much more than nuns.  Believe me I know.  Guess the muggers don’t though.  They didn’t in Sister Angelica’s case.

               She has a great family.  That doesn’t sound right, she’s really got two great families, the one she was born with and the one she has now.  Anyway, both stood by her.  The security people found her in the airport parking deck with the front of her head bashed in.  Can’t figure why they call these guys “security.”  Lost and found would be more like it.  They did manage to get her to the hospital.

               It was nearly a year before we got her back.  Everyone was looking forward to it, she was a big favorite with the kids.  Even the boys in my woodshop class were excited about her homecoming, and these hellions carefully cultivate the “laid back” attitude.  She didn’t look so good when we finally got to see her at the reception.  She’d healed, but her face would never be the same.  That was only the obvious.

               We’d been told, but we weren’t prepared for the truth.  Mother Mary Clarence had spoken to me privately about it, she wanted the shop kids kept under control, tight control.  They have a reputation among the nuns, but they are basically good boys and I told the principal I was sure she could count on the boys not to tease her.

               When I saw her at the reception I was not quite as sure.  Sister Angelica wasn’t blind, but she couldn’t really see.  This is hard to explain.  She could read, she could get around the halls, she could do everything you or I can do except one.  There is a long medical term for it.  I was told the name, but I can never remember stuff like that.  She couldn’t recognize faces.  Even her mother, her real mother, had to introduce herself every time they saw each other.  I didn’t know how she was going to manage.  Imagine,  class after overcrowded class of kids, all dressed alike in those little uniforms, and her not able to tell one from another.  I got a clue at the reception.

               “Mr. Cohen!” She said as soon as I took her hand, and before Mother Mary Clarence could whisper my name.  “You smell just like a pine board.”   It made me proud of her and for some reason proud of myself.  Anyway, I felt sure again.

 

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Narrated so well. An easy going readable style you have Delmar. I have heard it said that when one of the senses goes, the others kick in and work harder. Maybe Sister Angelica's sense of smell went into overdrive when her eye sight declined. I liked the ending very much. Thank you.

Chris

[Delmar Cooper]

Thanks for reading and for your comment. Sr. Angelica's malady indeed has a long medical name and one of my readers gave it to me but Like Cohen I promptly forgot it.

[Church]

Hey Delmar.

You know you have a skill that I desperately wish I had.

My best writing comes out during heightened moments of tension or activity in a plot, but I struggle to fill the gaps in between. You don't seem to struggle with that at all. In fact, it seems to be your forte. You make such a simple scene with minimal interaction very engaging.

Again, well done.

[Delmar Cooper]

I wrote a story once about Pearl Harbor. A main character was Lt. Commander Wm Hobby, the officer of the deck of the Oklahoma during the Japanese attack . I contrived a series of commands and activities for a man under extreme stress. It was fun to write, a vicarious experience of emergency and what, in retrospect, would be considered heroism. But, the wise men say to write about what you know and I don’t know any heroes, except the everyday sort we all know.
Thanks for reading and your very kind comment.

[Taylor]

Delmar, me again. This is another of your terrific stories. I love the narrator's assessment as to why the nun was mugged--it also added a little suspense for me--wondering if another shoe was going to fall. In such a roundabout way you create a poignant picture of Sister Angelica, make the reader sad at the damage that clearly has been wrought but then end in a surprising and modestly comforting way. So true to life. Thank you for sharing this. Taylor

[Delmar Cooper]

Thanks for reading. Your comments warm the cockles of my inkwell.

[AprilRN1210]

I like the intimate feel of this piece; it allowed me to sit back and enjoy the feeling of being inside the narrator's head and thoughts. It quickly captivated my attention and held it throughout. The way it was worded confused me a little in the beginning, thinking why are you still speaking as if she were still alive (I mean she did have her head bashed in, but guess that is just the ER nurse in me), then I kept reading and realized that she was indeed, still very much alive. The ending and the way it tied into the clever title was my favorite part.. It highlights the perseverance and resilience that resides in each one of our spirits- showing that we can all come back from tragedy-stronger and equally as great. This was beautifully done. I thoroughly enjoyed.

[Delmar Cooper]

I'm glad you read it and I appreciate your medical insight. Cohen might have overstated the head bashing. I'm going to let it pass as hyperbole consistent with the character and not revise, but I do note what you say. I'm not trying to get at truth in a short story but if I don't get at least to verisimilitude the whole thing is a bust. I'm so grateful to you for your comment and attention to detail.

[AprilRN1210]

you're very welcome, it was my pleasure. I agree, I wouldn't revise it either, was just giving you a different point of view as a reader:)

[Jennie Baron]

A wealth of information and insight about the characters in so few words! I like this a lot.

[Delmar Cooper]

Thank you for reading and your comment.

[Woody]

your writing is truly amazing Delmar. the narrative is perfectly pitched and the characters are so alive on the page. great ending.

[Chris]

You touched a very sore nerve and found a way to express hope for an afterwards... a simple story - true... but you touched inside with the ending...well told.

[Delmar Cooper]

Thjanks for reading and your kind comment.

[Ashira Macy]

Wow, this was a wonderful story. I was unsure at first, it started out a little bit rambley, but as I read on I could tell that it was intentional. The person telling the story had his own personality showing through in how he told it, even though there was barely anything mentioned about himself as a person. Well done, this was a great write.

[Delmar Cooper]

Thanks, I had misgivings about Cohen, about the way I wrote him. I had to force myself not to "fix" him. Your post made me glad I left him alone.

[A. Amos]

Interesting piece of story telling...my friend.

[C. Rose]

Witty through and through. The voice of the main character comes through clearly.

Technically there is a lot of telling going on, but that seems to be the intention of this format.

The twist is present, but I suggest at this point you show a few teachers ahead of the POV character being greeted by Sister Angelica with Mother Mary Clarence's help to make it stand out more / build up to that Sister Angelica was able to smell the POV character.

The character comes of as somewhat sarcastic at the beginning, which drops away, and then the conclusion is "I felt sure again". I feel you could play up 'not feeling sure' more in the body.

Overall a worthwhile read :)

and thank you for your reviews :)

[Delmar Cooper]

Thanks for the comment. I reviewed your stuff because I liked it and while
I really appreciate your comments (I mean that sincerely, you are a smart writer)
a quid pro quo isn't necessary in my case.

[W.k.kortas]

Tight and perfectly pitched and, boy howdy, is it good writing.

[Delmar Cooper]

Your comments alway bouy me up. Thanks for your encouragement.