99 Cent Dream

"But to live doesn't mean you're alive" -Drake 'Moment 4 Life' . . . . . Sometimes life seems to get in the way of living.

There was a young child who grew up so fast
In a world of sharks, in a world so crass
Childhood and dreams would never last
She had homework, and tests, and everyday class

No time to think in this fast life pace
Running this rat race, burning the candle at both ends
It matters not the price with her goal in sight
No time for new friends, or with old to make amends

To be the best was her goal
To beat the rest was her goal
To be a success was her goal

Time passed by and she was on her own
She didn't have the funds to make a home
She sold her dreams, they gave her a dollar
Down the street she bought bread and water

Never was it in her to lay down and die
The dead don't dream, and the living can try
But living here in a world on nickle and dime
How do you save a dream worth ninety-nine

Author's Note

I saw this sign awhile back and it seemed so silly, I was inspired. This is the second poem I wrote from it, same concept as the first, just hopefully better written. Let me know your thoughts, good or bad :) Thank you!

Reviews

This is a really interesting read. You have a lot of writing talent.
I really like the repetitiveness of this,
"To be the best was her goal
To beat the rest was her goal
To be a success was her goal"
It really zones in on the emotion.
Thank you for sharing this :)

[Tegon Maus]

Hi Cherry... a very good write. I like it a lot. Congrates on your win !

[Rachael Day]

Wow! I'm blown away by your writing! This is the second piece of work that i've read of yours and i just have to say, you have real talent. The things that you write about show a real quality to your writing. Amazing.

[JohnnyMagrinho]

Obviously like Mariah has said, the last verse was by far the best and a very good culmination of all you had conveyed beforehand. I adore how you change the rhyming scheme and patterns throughout the entire poem before bringing it back to the simple scheme in the last verse.

I really liked this poem. Hope to see more of the same.

For what it's worth, I think you seem to write better when you don't directly address the reader or create a subject that is transparently felt within your writing. You're very good at writing about something/someone in an obscure third person. Even if you write slightly more direct, it's worth not making it so literal because you are adept at constructing a good feeling of mystery by being a lot more subtle.

[mariah]

"Never was it in her to lay down and die The dead don't dream, and the living can try But living here in a world on nickle and dime. How do you save a dream worth ninety-nine?" i love it! especially the last part. its deep and has real meaning to it. great work!

[Whiskurz]

I really enjoyed this.....Very well written.....Whisk