Corpses, black-blue roses

This is a Shadow Sonnet- It was difficult for me to write at the time.

Corpses, black-blue corpses
Trays, on cold metal trays
Roses, black-blue roses
Lay, dying we lay

Trays, on cold metal trays
Roses, black-blue roses
Trays, they lay on cold metal trays
Corpses, our black-blue corpses

Today we walk away, from today
Shame, run from shame
Away, I run away
Blame, I run from blame

Grave, your tombstone grave
Depraved, today, I walk away depraved

Author's Note

Rating and constructive criticism is appreciated. I will rate and give constructive criticism to any who give it to me. Sort of a you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

Reviews

[JennaMarie]

Wow, this is a type of poem I'm not familiar with, but it was very well done. It obviously came from a raw place, and the emotions are very clear. The formatting is interesting but you made it work to your advantage very nicely. It isn't the most obvious of pieces but, that isn't always necessary anyway. Again, nice job. :)

[Dreamer]

Interesting! I havent read this style other than from the books for my literature class. Very individualistic! I enjoyed reading this

[...]

Interesting and cool. I've never written in Sonnet style before. I like the play on words; it makes it sink in all the more. "Today we walk away, from today" - my favorite line from this.

[Ruth]

You address topics that many dare not walk through love and I admire that..a lot of heartfelt emotion in this piece..we need to explore all emotion, seems you do :) xx

[laura hope]

Beautifully written. I love your structure and over all approach with this. You have a talent!

[light and ashes]

I love this poem! Beautiful job :]

[.......]

Wow this was really good, I am not that good with constructive criticism, but I like this write.

[Disillusioned]

Not sure what a shadow sonnet is, still I must say there is something musical in the way the words repeat and shuffle into new meanings. The ending lines were incredible. The whole read left me with an image of heavy guilt in my mind's eye, funny...

[Ashli The Amazing]

well actually i thought it was good very raw and full of unexplainable emotion. i actually had to read it twice to understand what i was reading though. job well done. [:

[Matthew Kult]

I am not a fan of sonnets, mostly because I am not a traditionalist, but I like this, I like the construction and the flow remains constant through out. Good read and write.

Matthew