Day after day one of senior year

September Ninth, Two thousand ten

Dear Diary, 

I'm in a pickle. 

I'm weak, short minded, blind.

I don't know how to make things better. It hurts me when I neglect my friends and family, but at times I can't seem to get myself to leave his side. I'm down to the point where no matter what I do it isn't write. I try to spend time with the people who mean most to me but I feel like their holding it over my head that I'm a s**t friend. Though I know they would never say it or confirm it when I voice. In a way it hurts more, but not as much as not being there when they need me. 

And now, when they don't call me for help or think I'd be too busy for them it gives me the worst feeling. And to just run away for a little bit. 

But I wouldn't do that...

I'm just so gah I'm losing myself in this.

And even though you say I can talk to you about anything. There is a bigger question...should I say what is bothering me. It most likely only make you feel bad. And I wouldn't want to see you like that, especially if it was my fault.

Forever in thought, Christina.