Mindless

the title says it all

Mindless

 

Wandering footsteps trace my mind, the steps they have already tread,

 

Cobweb hung creativity and dusty ghosts of gifts gone past lay forgotten,

The pool of ideals is stirred no more, its waters lay still and stagnant

And outwardly the shadow spreads, conquering the flickering flame of passion,

Until I stand naught but a shade myself etching others words with my own pen

 

 

 

Reviews

[Beautifully_Anarchist]

ok you do need a few commas and i am not ssure that the word "outwardly" is quite right, but other than that this is really well written, the imagery is evocative and it has a real like line through it

[Mistral Bilgera]

the first time i've read it, it was like speaking of plaigiarism (LOL, i dont know, maybe because i took the last line literally) but after the second reading, i began to realize that it is much more than that!! :)

this is a short poem that could be simply descriptive of an episode of mental/idea lapse of the persona, or a very creative poem that says a lot about wisdom/thought/ intelligence, and how we must always sharpen it and take good care of it before we lose it... that depends however you interpret it, which makes the poem good!! :)

and thanks for that amazing review. you're right about the sixth stanza. but i would like to keep the tenth as is. :) thanks!! you're a very fine writer! and a good critic

ps: i agree with jessica. commas AND Apostrophes :)
but the poem's still good, i dont wanna be rigid :)

[Jessica{is inspired by ..]

You may want to use some punctuation. Not a lot, just commas. It would help the reader identify pauses and give the poem more definition. I know it's meant to be sort of abstract, but I think the commas would help you out here.

It's a good poem. Nice job!

Jess