depravity in Grief

A last letter...sort of

 

Pounding in my blood
Rainbow covered images of times gone by flash past
Shards of memories sticking in my rib cage
Forced closer to my heart by rapid breathing
Blood puddles in my lungs as pools of tears reflect forgotten dreams
Delicate whimsy held static in time
All the inane things I once wished for once upon a time
When a word was only a word, nothing more
When a picture had only comfort to offer not pain
Before I knew the pleasure of his arms
The fervor of his touch
This addiction to the tender embraces and joking caresses he alone can produce
Before I knew the just how delicate a human life can be
The shards are real, knives piercing my heart
Time to return my soul to the maker, a lender really,
For our lives are only given to us for a time
My limbic system now fails as I write this
Perhaps in the end I should just mark this letter return to sender, for the last sender the final one after all is beckoning me…

 

 

Reviews

[Annalisa]

Hey hun... This was lovely in a really sad way. I especially loved the lines "All the inane things I once wished for once upon a time/ When a word was only a word, nothing more" that was beautiful. And for how ugly the poem was, ugly in the emotional sense, it was gorgeous too. That painful beauty that you don't really want to see but are fascinated by anyway. There is so much pain in this, I'm sorry. Next time I see you I'll be sure to give you a big hug....and chocolate. Good work.

There were two things that I saw that didn't quite work though, first off the word "smooches" in line 12 doesn't quite fit. It's too cutesy for such a serious poem.

Secondly the line "Perhaps in the end I should just mark this letter return to sender, for the last sender the final one after all is beckoning me�"...perhaps just play around with it and try to smooth it out... But good work hun

[MandarinOranges]

Often I wonder what my life would be if he had just left himself out of it. Hmmm.....guess I'll never know.

Wonderful poem, really. Great imagery and vocabulary choices. Bravo!

Thanks for joinging the group and good luck!