Pretending

Sometimes in a relationship someone gets left behind

Sometimes I want to pretend that we don't know each other

just to speak of the meaningless minutiae posted on your Facebook wall

and forget about the history sitting six feet tall between us wearing my old t-shirt and your wedding ring.

 

Sometimes I want to pretend that magic is real

just to feel the safety of a hope for a future different from the past

and know that a wish drunkenly whispered to a sometimes stranger could join us better than matching tattoos.

 

Sometimes I want to pretend I'm the real hero of our story

just to believe that I can be the one who gets a fairy tale ending

and live a life written in kinder words where I never have to come home to find your keys on the countertop.

 

Sometimes I want to pretend that I chose a different path

just to hold onto the potential that boomed wholesale between us

and rekindle the fires that burned brightest before questions and mistakes left us all singed and twice shy.

 

Sometimes I want to pretend we had remained close friends

just to share with you the ups and downs of my days, months and years

and watch as you both do the same still remembering that we are more than the mathematics our bodies perform.

 

Sometimes I want to pretend we speak more than occasionally

Just to live up to the expectations of a trio of naive twelve-year olds

and justify the years we spent weaving our lives so tightly together only to find ourselves mostly foreign.

 

Sometimes I want to pretend your smile reaches your eyes

just to have a small taste of what was packed in your bags and suitcases

and erase the suggestion of charred bridges that hangs between us reproachfully turning grins to facsimiles.

 

Sometimes I want to pretend that I didn't have to pretend

just to save out love from gathering dust in a vacant apartment

and patch the better parts of me that I never knew belonged to the both of you until you took them and left.