Sometimes

And when nothing seemed to be wrong; was the moment in which all flew down

 

Sometimes...

Sometimes I wish I could just drown
Sometimes I wish I was not there
Sometimes I wish I never met you
Sometimes I wish you were the same

Sometimes I miss the way you were
Sometimes I miss the way you are
Sometimes I miss when we were friends
Sometimes I miss when we were alive

Sometimes I need to see you here
Sometimes I need your words for me
Sometimes I need you to be quiet
Sometimes I need you to talk to me

Sometimes I wish I could drown (Sometimes I wish I could just drown)
Sometimes I wish I could just drown (Sometimes I wish I could just drown)
Sometimes I wish I could drown (Sometimes I wish I could just drown)
Sometimes I wish I could just drown( Sometimes I wish I could just drown)

Sometimes you said you'd never lie
Sometimes you said so many lies
Sometimes you never say goodbye

Sometimes...
Sometimes I wish you could drown

Author's Note

And when my friend said he knew nothing, it was all for the worse, for someone else who would say the truth made me see clearly, that when it's about friends, I am completely alone.

-Thank you, Queen of the Damned-

Reviews

[Queen of the Damned]

I love what you have here but I have a suggestion to maybe make it a little more powerful. The repetition of the sometimes line after line is a bit dizzing. Maybe something like...

Sometimes
I wish I could just drown
I wish I was not there
I wish I never met you
I wish you were the same

Sometimes
I miss the way you were
I miss the way you are
I miss when we were friends
I miss when we were alive

Sometimes
I need to see you here
I need your words for me
I need you to be quiet
I need you to talk to me

Sometimes
I wish I could drown
I wish I could just drown
I wish I would drown
I wish I would just drown

Sometimes
you said you'd never lie
you said so many lies
you never say goodbye
Sometimes

I took out a few of your repititions and changed a few words to show you what I mean about giving it more power, but like I said its only a suggestion. I know all to well your feelings here. I have been there. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of your work.

[Almost Alive]

Well, yes, It's a bit dizzing... But to some point that was the idea, and I appretiate your review- I'm adding some of the changes of your version to the one that is currently posted, and I'm keeping the one you posted here. You see, the repetition... Actually has a meaning to me.

It's hard when your friends keep you up and down all the time, you see =

[Chandler]

I think every has had that same feeling. I hope everything is alright and I hope you too will read and enjoy some of my works

[Everchanging Disaster]

I love this, it is sad and yet beautiful...I love the repitition it really hammers the mood into the readers soul.
Great read-thanks for sharing!