Chapter 1A Chapter by Deeps94Mattie hated hospital food. Today it was bread that was older than she was. She had no appetite, but all her movements were being watched. Everything, from the beeping of the pulse monitor to each sentence she said. But there was no point complaining to anyone. She could almost hear their replies: “Well, you landed yourself here.” Mattie scowled at the brown lump on the hospital tray. Simple carbs are a waste of my time. Elaine came to visit later that day. She was barely stable herself; her eyes were red, and her voice sounded cracked, as if she had been sobbing earlier. A few days ago, Mattie would’ve felt guilty. Now she just didn’t care. Besides, thanks to her little stunt she pulled, she had learned a few things about hospitals. For starters, they didn’t really check when their food expired; Mattie had dodged the rotting yogurt, but her hospital roommate wasn’t so lucky. They also prefered to have beds arranged like barracks. The more patients, the more dough. And not to mention the tests. In the first twelve hours Mattie had taken a blood test, glucose test, and an MRI. Ms. Fay had engaged in a shouting match with the nurses but lost; the medical bill Mattie had racked up would not be a light one. Except this time the blame were pointed in her direction. She had been in her bed for the past week. The hospital had multiple channels, but none of them were particularly interesting. There was the news of course, but when was it actually things she was interested in? Most channels spent their way blaming people for how things turned out, how the United States was crumbling into a deficit, how Muslims and African Americans were the cause of all evils, how states were threatening to secede. Most of the time she disregarded it though; it’s not like people actually listened to those things. The brown lump ended up in her throat. Right now, all Mattie wanted was privacy, and she knew nurses would be down her back if she left her food untouched. She wanted to sink into her bed and let the sheets devour her and become a puddle so she didn’t have to see them anymore…. A noise caught her attention; she could hear footsteps down the hall. For a second, she was alert---was that brown curls she saw, was it really him? “Percy?!” She felt a rush of anticipation down her spine, she sat up, her heart pounding. “Perce--I”. She blinked at the person standing at her door side and frowned. I’m having live dreams. It was Ms. Fay. Mattie groaned to herself. Didn’t her guardian have anything better to do than visit her? Mattie was a lost cause, they both knew it. At this point, she was done trying to hope people would care for her. Ms. Fay was a beauty once. Her hair, greying, fell to her waist in waves. Middle-aged, she had the body of a healthy twenty-something: lean, fit, yet not excessively skinny. She was dressed formally, as if she were in a business meeting as opposed to the ER. She looked disappointed as she asked, “Why did you do this?” Mattie stared at her defiantly. Why? They clearly didn’t know. Perhaps they never would. Did they know that feeling of having everyone who cared about you being ripped apart? Obviously not, Ms. Fay hadn’t even bothered saying a simple “hello”. Mattie shot her the most fake smile she could muster while maintaining a higher-than-usual voice: “I wanted the cheesecake dessert option.” She pointed to the hospital menu. Mattie noticed Ms. Fay clenching her fist and could’ve sworn she saw a vein throb; patience was something both of them lacked. “Matilda” Can you just leave already?! “You wouldn’t understand.” Ms. Fay inhaled, she was clearly annoyed. “Does this have anything to do with Klaus?” Where did that come from? “Sure,” said Mattie, looking at the floor. “Matilda, what’s the problem?” Mattie opened her mouth, only to close it. No, she wouldn’t understand, she wouldn’t know. What’s the problem? Mattie almost laughed, as it were always that simple. But Ms. Fay said next worked her up the most: “Percy will turn up, don’t worry.” Mattie could feel the tension already building in her body. Will you ever stop?! She had had enough of the sugar-coating and hope-baiting. She’d rather he be dead than be in a state limbo like this. Her brother wasn’t going to come back. She was sick of false hope. It took all her willpower to stop herself from shouting. “Go. Away,” she said between clenched teeth before instantly regretting it. Ms. Fay glared at her before sighing and finally leaving the room. Mattie bit her lip. She shouldn’t have lashed out. Ms. Fay was the one who have provided her with a home and education for so long. And now that Mattie was seventeen, after her birthday she could take it away with a snap of her fingers. Mattie lay back. The walls was dissolving, the lights were going out. She felt herself falling...except this time she could see everything. She closed her eyes and let herself see it all, even though she just wanted it to stop: Percy was in class. She was running home from the bus stop, crying. When would this cycle ever end? The door was open, her mother was lying on the couch, she was still in scrubs. She saw her mother stand and ran as Devina Clarke scooped her daughter up in her arms. “Mama, they laughed at me!” Devina didn’t bother asking who “they” was. Some days the bullying wasn’t so bad, but once it reached a point when Mattie asked the teacher to call her mother so she could leave school. Devina pulled her towards her body. “Why?” “The teacher asked if you would rather be pretty or smart.” Devina was smiling, Mattie did not like this. She was crying, her mother shouldn’t be smiling. “Mattie, what did you choose?” “Smart” Devina looked proud. “You should be laughing at them” And then Devina disappeared and Mattie was screaming and she was falling again…. “NOOOOOO!!!” Mattie’s back flopped against the hospital bed as her breath spluttered. It was just a dream, calm down it was just a dream. “Can you keep it down?!” said a voice from the end of the room. “Sorry!” she shouted back. Not again. In the past week Mattie had been waking up from nightmares, occasionally waking up some patients with her. Sometimes they were her mother, sometimes they were Klaus. The faces kept on changing. But the feeling of suffocating and drowning into her bed remained constant. The hospital didn’t ask too many questions. Mattie was glad; the past few days had been draining, and interrogation wouldn’t have helped. But the questioning would be coming. The minute Mattie went back home, that’s all she would be doing--answering questions from people who didn’t really care. Home. Mattie couldn’t place that word. She had a home, yes. Years ago, it was her father, mother, Percy, and herself. And it took one day to tear it apart. Her dad had just left. One night he was there, and the next day he wasn’t. It didn’t completely throw Percy off; both of them had heard him screaming at her mother and her quiet, yet composed, responses in turn. But what did surprise them all was her dad appearing six months later filled with apologies. He had returned with a bouquet of flowers and tears trickling down his cheeks. Her mother was taken aback but let him into the house. Mattie and Percy didn’t see too much of him that day; they were more interested in playing at the park. Yet, the next day, their father was gone again. Mattie didn’t even bother contemplating it back then. It took her years later to understand what had exactly happened. Because three months after that night, her mother’s baby bump became visible. The next few months after that was a blur. Her mother had sold the house, and they moved into an apartment in the neighboring county, the “not so nice” part of town. They had to switch schools too; the first day of classes, Mattie had needed to use the restroom. But after seeing the fungus and mold on the walls, she made sure to relieve herself prior to taking the bus. She hadn’t given it much thought back then; she was just glad that unlike Percy, she hadn’t cried on the first day of school. When Mattie had the chance to reflect on the situation years later, she could barely remember how her mother acted. If she knew how to fake smiles, then I got that from her, not Dad. She remembered the day Elaine had entered the world. Their mother had called a taxi at 4 AM, and they headed straight to the clinic. Percy had later said he would never forget the stench of the place; after seeing a cockroach in the waiting area, they had lost any motivation to sleep. The hour after Elaine was born, her mother was dead. The doctor had said something about it. Later when they had reached the age when they could understand it all, Mattie and Percy read the medical report; hemorrhaging and the lack of her rare O negative blood sealed their mother’s ordeal. For a few terrifying hours, Mattie and Percy were sure they would be separated. Their mother had been afraid of this: they would be thrown into the system and passed around, essentially an extra food bill for someone to pay for each month. She had never seen Percy cry that much; neither of them had water-works tendencies, but that night they had spent the entire day sobbing and hugging each other in the waiting room. But then Ms. Fay had appeared and told them to come with her. Apparently, Ms. Fay did this often, adopting children and taking them in. It wasn’t uncommon though; if you were an orphan or in a family making less than $40,000 a year, you were done for. Programs supporting the poor were getting cut to the bone, and adopting children and creating a boarding house was a great move for a millionaire, especially with all the resulting tax exemptions. Ms. Fay had a mansion up near the coast, but it hardly felt like one with twenty children living with them. Rich inheritance and a high-paying job, Ms. Fay had said. So it was her, Percy, and baby Elaine together...at least for a while. Mattie’s phone buzzed, and she picked it up. It was Klaus again, who else would send her three winky faces at 2 AM? She put it down. Within five minutes, it vibrated again: “Mattie, the girl I like is ignoring me. Help. ;)” She turned her phone off. Elaine was waiting for her. Ms. Fay had driven her home without saying a word. Mattie knew an apology was in order, but she didn’t know how many things she would be apologizing for. Just drop me off on the sidewalk, it’s easier than this passive-aggressive crap. The last time she had felt this way had been six years ago when Ms. Fay had sent her to summer camp. It had only been two weeks, but when Mattie had come back home, everything felt new to her touch. Only after a week was she able to identify where the bathroom was without walking in another direction. Mattie heard Ms. Fay’s keys removed from the ignition and stepped out of the car. Half a second had passed before a blur of pale blonde hair charged at her, engulfing her into a hug. If a stranger had been viewing this scene, they would never have guessed Mattie and Elaine were sisters. Elaine had traits parallel to albinism: light blonde hair almost white, this time wrapped in a ponytail, pale skin to the point that Percy joked she was translucent. Mattie on the other hand, was the color of caramel, topped off with black curls, similar to her mother. Percy took after Mattie in terms of looks, his features were quite similar. For a long time, Mattie had suspected that her parents had albino genes, yet Elaine never had an issue with vision. Her eyes were a distinct light green and large enough to stare people down, a trait she used to her advantage. Genetics, as Mattie had learned, was a confusing field. Elaine was bursting with excitement at having Mattie back to the point that she didn’t notice Mattie’s grunts in response to her cheers. “They’re serving chocolate cake tonight! After I do dishes we can grab all we want! You don’t need to have hospital food anymore!” Mattie was trying her best to smile and nod, except each time it was getting more exhausting. Elaine shooed her into their room. “How are you?” Mattie shrugged. There wasn’t anything left to say on that front. Part of her had died a long time ago. “Caroline and Michael are worried about you.” “Oh.” That’s all Mattie could get out. All the energy Elaine had was evaporating in seconds. Her eyes were resuming their standard emotionless look. She’s giving up again. Surprise of the century. “Mattie, please, I want to help you.” The room was spinning again. Elaine’s voice was becoming more piercing, more difficult to shut out. Mattie closed her eyes and lay back on her bed. “Just stop Elaine. I want to take a nap.” Elaine looked like she had been slapped in the face. Mattie instantly regretted it, she realized Elaine had been rehearsing this conversation for the past few days. “Okay...we’ll talk later?” Mattie nodded. She snuggled under her comforter, ready to shut out the world for a few days. As Mattie turned her head to the side, she heard Elaine say, “Mattie, if you had succeeded, what do you think would’ve happened to me?” Mattie couldn’t look at her. It was Tuesday when it happened for the first time. Mattie had shut down and isolated herself again: there was too much homework piled up from school and not enough proactive support. It’s not as if Mattie didn’t get along with everyone, they just didn’t understand where she was at. Elaine was the social bunny who knew the names of everyone’s imaginary friends. She had decided to go to the room upstairs which nobody used because of poor lighting. She had started off with straight As since the start of high school, but in the past year, her grades had slumped to the point that she was barely holding on to a 3.0 GPA. It wasn’t a matter of laziness; every time Mattie tried to type a sentence in her essay, she could feel Klaus’s hands at her throat, his tongue sticking down her mouth… She felt a yawn rising and checked the time. Crap. Had she really spent the past two hours just staring at the wall? Ugh, tomorrow morning, I can’t deal with this right now. Mattie went to the bathroom to wash her face. She just wanted to sleep and forget about everything. She turned the tap handle. And then it burst straight into her hand. The pipe had cracked, as if someone was applying extreme pressure at the end. Water was bursting from the hole that had previously been the faucet. She turned her head and cried out: it was like several hot springs lined in a row, all the other sinks had straight lines of water hitting the ceiling. Mattie ran straight out--hopefully she could sneak into the men’s restroom when no one was looking. Ignoring the fact that her entire shirt was soaked, she approached the bathroom entrance, only to realize no one was there. Phew. She reached out and turned on the tap as before. The trickle of warm water ran down her hands and then on her face as she splashed it on her face. Her heart which had been racing for the past minute resumed its pace. She closed her eyes and tried counting to ten (it worked for some people). It’s nothing, relax. When she was ready, she opened her eyes again, only to stumble backward into the wall. The faucets of all the sinks had sprung into the air; it was like seeing miniature hot springs all in perfect alignment. She felt a shot of pain through her body and nearly lost her balance again. Mattie’s eyes fell on her arms and she nearly screamed. Her left hand, typically a caramel shade had turned into a swollen red glove beyond recognition. Skin had been ripped from her ring finger down to her wrist with burn marks to boot. Dying skin along her fingers had formed a yellow covering on her hand. But the worst part was the blisters; they adorned her knuckles and continued in a pattern down to her elbow. Mattie tried moving her fingers, but fire shot down her nerves; it was pain in every single muscle of her body. I’m going crazy. First thing first, she had to hide it. She ran to her room, hunting for her oversized cardigan to cover her arm. The door swung open at her arrival, but she paid it little attention. Drawers were opening on their own, clothes were thrown at her face, she didn’t know what she was seeing anymore. At some point, she titled her head toward the light on the ceiling; the glare hit her straight in the eye. Pain shot through her head as she fell to the ground. “Mattie?!” Mattie opened her eyes. Caroline, her second roommate, was staring at her. She felt her arm wrapped in a white towel; the pain had disappeared. “What happened?!” “I--” Mattie’s mind raced. “I got dizzy.” Caroline nodded, looking worried. “Stay in bed. I’ll get you dinner.” Caroline was a snowflake. In her whole life, Mattie had never heard her shout or get angry. If someone told her off, she would immediately apologize, even if she wasn’t at fault. She was always running around, trying to keep everyone smiling. Mattie was certain the only reason Caroline didn’t visit her at the hospital was because she wouldn’t have been able to handle the sight of everything. Even the angstiest of people in the house couldn’t come up with anything to say against her. Her shyness worked to her advantage. But she wasn’t a protector--that was Elaine’s role. Caroline played the role of mediator well, but when it came to people like Klaus she would shrink in the corner. In a sense, she was sheltered. She didn’t believe people were capable of doing the worst. But she wasn’t one to reach out to help someone she didn’t know. It wasn’t indifference, it was fear. Her boyfriend Michael was an exact duplicate. He had arrived at the house two years ago, and within weeks he and Caroline were glued together. They were so similar in every aspect---except intellectually. Their political beliefs were at the exact opposite on the spectrum: Caroline had lost all hope in the government and Michael thought it could be utilized for the better. But the way they handled it touched everyone. They recognized people were more than their ideologies. They showed what it was like to have a discussion without attacking anyone. But they were attached at the hip; both of them had thrown away other aspects of their lives for each other. Both of them exemplified a type of love Mattie always wanted. But she could never feel bitter for not having the same. Caroline, Michael, and Elaine were the only ones keeping her together. And in a sense she was glad. She could never imagine being so clueless in a world that wasn’t kind to her so far. Caroline had returned. She was holding a tray containing soup and bread, along with a muffin. “Mattie, what happened?” “I---” Mattie was caught off-guard. “I don’t know.” “Who did this?” “No one Caroline.” She gave Mattie a suspicious look. “Well, I’m going to Michael’s room all right? Text me if you need me. Also use the bathrooms on the first floor, the ones up here aren’t working.” “Okay.” Caroline smiled at her and closed the door. Mattie eyed the bread--in her rush Caroline had forgotten to heat it, as it was straight from the fridge. She held it delicately in her hand, feeling the chilliness of the fridge. Then right before her eyes, she felt it heat up it as it turned black in her palm. She squeezed her hand into a fist and the ashes fell on her lap. Am I a microwave now?! She threw the ashes in the trash and headed toward the closet. She finally found it: a bottle of foundation. With Caroline’s largest makeup brush, she started to apply the base shade to her arm. Cause regardless of what happened, Ms. Fay couldn’t see this. © 2016 Deeps94 |
Stats
94 Views
Added on March 21, 2016 Last Updated on March 21, 2016 Author
|