Devil in the Dance Hall

my first attempt at a rhythmic poem.

Crease in the pant leg
leather in the shoe
Starch in the collar
rhythm in the blues.

Lucky is the brand
burnin in the tray
woman in the blue dress
knowin how ta sway.
Dancers really rockin
bourbon is a sin
back room fulla players
shootin for a ten.
Music is a hoppin
curses loud n clear
flirt'n with a bad boy
till mama's voice I hear.
Heaven is awaitin
devil takes his cue
rumble in the makin
trouble’s bound ta brew.
Johnny’s got a pistol
lookin for a fight
hotter than the Hades
on a Sat'day nite.
Band's just a playin
two-step swing they know
crowd's anticipatin
bloods about ta flow.
Standin just a shakin
Jez'bel color on my face
doin up the buttons
to hide the hint of lace.
Time for dirty dancin
comin to a stop
bible thumpin mama
callin for a cop.
Johnny's out the backdoor
hightailin to a run
warrant in the next state
for a stolen gun.
Mercy is a blessin
she has never shown
whuppin is a comin
like I've never known.
Lord Jesus God Almighty
turn this sinner to the light
cuz the band is playin
agin on Friday night.

Reviews

[Flow~]

This is my favorite of yours, i love how it flows from part of the story to the next, a real easy read. I also like that next saturday the band is playing again and the sinful dancing and drinking will continue. Also the battle between hearing what is right while doing what is wrong was a nice touch. Great write.

[The Flawed]

Absolutely fantastic, love this one; it's like watching an old movie.
You have condensed an entire book into a short poem, I feel like I know all these people, their backgrounds, and what they look like, I even feel like I have been to that saloon (I probably have)
Well done

[Boris Jonathan Novak]

I loved this! This was a magical read. Your imagery is as powerful as can be. I have to say, you've got serious talent!

[MJ Wilkinson]

This is a great poem! I absolutely enjoyed every line!

Peace and much love! :D

[Blackbird]

This is awesome!!

[BluesForTheRisingSun]

this was your first attempt at rhytmic poems? You're a natural! This flowed so well and it was so.. well, it was so damn rhythmic. Excellent write.

[bluessadmood]

oh this is not my favorite,all i read for you i swear ,is a favorite,i dont know why ,maybe i see different that others
maybe its me,maybe i have certain ways to read,maybe special insight..who knows ha ha,only know this is real good
Creast in pant leg..rhythm in blues..women in blue know just how to sway
music is a hoppin..curses loud and clear..flirt with you bad boy..till mama voice i hear
heaven is waiting..devil takes his cue,rumble in the making..troubles bound to brew
doing up buttons..hide the hint of lace..time for dirty dancing ,come to a stop
mama calling for a cop..mercy is a blessing..she has never knew..
what so lovely enjoyable write,wonderful story ,how i loved this..
lovely write..

[Vain Apocalypse]

This is an exquisitely abbreviated story, the rhythmic flow and language of which is so true to the atmosphere that it brings me to near giggles. I could not accomplish this if I tried. Good write. Favorite.

[Kelsey Desmond]

Love and powerful. I wish my stories and poems could be like that. Most of mine are short and a little confusing. Awesome write.....I envy your writing style...x-(

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

This is rocking and rhyming... sounds like a blast from my past on those wild weekends... You got great flow and fun vibes. Awesome work.