The Hunt

this feels like a piece of crap, I know the tone that I was going for, the feel of it, but the words just don't seem to work. Grrrrrr!

I sought him out, I followed his trail
His scent lead me through the dark night
I was a huntress, he was my prey.
A name unknown to me.

He is the one.
Haunting  my night for so long.
He is mine! I feel my teeth clench with determination
A possessiveness like I have never known
Overcomes me and my nostrils flair in
A primitive response.

His heat draws me to him
My fingers ache for the merest touch to his flesh
Heart racing, blood burns my veins
breath cut short as I draw closer.

Our eyes meet, recognition is instant
I lick my parched lips
A glimmer of a knowing smile runs across his own
The dance begins
M y body flushes with heat that burns
Deep. All consuming.

His hand rest upon my low back
He leans in and whispers his words
Across my bare neck
I don’t hear a word

The tables are turned
I am weak with  need
He surrounds me with  his body
I lay down my weapons
surrendering to his touch.
 Lips meet and all is lost.
 

Reviews

[fallendemonofmercy]

there is a combination of danger and lust and forboding that is both demanding to be recognized and delicately balanced between love and passions' desire
this is a very intriguing write, and very imaginative and hopeful...who would not want to see a huntress stalk their 'one' when is so often the hunter himself that wins this battle

[Passive~Demon]

Dark and seductive. I love how the roles were reversed, brilliant, I loved it. x

[Sinny]

I love how the huntress became the prey and the tables turned on her

[Wunderlich]

I the first two stanzas are a great way to open this piece, and the twist helps keep the reader's attention. Great poem.

[bluessadmood]

but thats so lovely so nice..
sought him out ..followed his trails..his scent lead me through the night..a huntress i was ,he is my pray
he is the one,haunting my nights ever so long,he is mine all mine..so possessive i was
he is in me ,my nostrils flare,he draws me to him ,fingers just long to touch,breath cut short as i draw close
eyes meet,how i long for,smile on his face as the dance begins and i feel consumed
he whisper over my bare neck,but never hear a word..
tables turned ,i am weak with need,he takes all over me..and i surrender
his touch,lips meet and all is lost
Oh you took me for a lovely ride ,yes thats what happens when we fall deep to him
its just like we are losing any common sense,,how lovely ,how nice ,how i enjoyed this
lovely write..

[Serend1p1ty]

You actually read the two stanzas really quickly cause you get caught up in the emotions!
Really good job done here.
Just being slightly fussy, just to help, maybe more powerful emotive words in some parts would help.
The second stanza example. It's good, but I just feel more powerful words would lure people quicker.
Other than that, great poem!

[Flow~]

I like how you desired him and stalked him in the beginning but in the end you ended up being prey like giving into him. Nice little twist as when we get what we most desire we often submit to the feeling of it. wonderful write

[Eagle Cruagh]

The first two stanzas build an aching need.
The writer tells us how she feels.

The third stanza zeros in on a more specific
type of human.

Fourth stanza finds a man and the heat rises.

In the fifth stanza her imagination goes wild as
she thinks of an episode with this male.

In the sixth and last stanza she gives herself,
abandons self to ecstasy.

This is an exciting adventure of the mind.
I would like to have seen more of the writer`s actual
need expressed and more specific expression of what
has buildt her to this emotional state.

The writing is beautiful . It flows nicely.
Perhaps the writer could be just a trifle more in
touch with her most intimate desires.

Thanks for a talented write.

100 % from me.

------ Eagle Cruagh

[I gorge myself on u, I ..]

This is so good, I can't even put it into words. Something alluring which simply slides you into the story.
Intense.