Do you remember too

Do you remember too

A Poem by Dee Oddbins
"

Saturday night

"
Saturday night/hit the town/
hit the clubs/get on down/
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flash of thigh/dancing queen/
casual glance/know what I mean/
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whispered phrase/another drink/
shy response/pretty in pink/
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hand in hand /across the floor/
jealousy waits/wanting more/
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two kissing heads/frozen pose/
what was said/no-one knows/
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a crass remark/expected silence/
flick knife blade/ultra violence/
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once again/night of fear/
never forget/ blood red tear/

© 2020 Dee Oddbins


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Featured Review

Wow, Dee, I really like the way this poem turns into something completely unexpected. You set a great scene at the beginning with a kind of happy-go-lucky party atmosphere with people meeting and greeting and having a good time. Your rhyme works really well to further that sense that everything is great and fun and we’re all here just to party.

But then there’s this kind of melting of the scene and the two people kissing seems to signify the start of a nasty fight. Perhaps one fella has his hands on another fella’s girl. Never expected the knife to come out, but that’s a credit to the crafting of the poem. You created a build that allowed for this element of surprise to turn everything upside down, which is pretty much what I would expect a scene like this to look like in real life experience. Where everything is great, until it isn’t.

Really enjoyed this and how you managed to create this space that could shift from one thing to another so fluidly and rapidly. Great work.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dee Oddbins

4 Years Ago

thank you so much, Eilis, yes there is a knife culture here in the UK, where a great night out can t.. read more



Reviews

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I wonder if you get inspiration by the song Friday night Saturday morning. That poem have just so many simulate expressions.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dee Oddbins

4 Years Ago

thank you so much, yes I am a fan of the Specials, but it wasn't in my mind when I wrote this, I thi.. read more
...

4 Years Ago

This song kick into my head when I read first lines. It's very lifting song after heavy night when y.. read more
Wow, Dee, I really like the way this poem turns into something completely unexpected. You set a great scene at the beginning with a kind of happy-go-lucky party atmosphere with people meeting and greeting and having a good time. Your rhyme works really well to further that sense that everything is great and fun and we’re all here just to party.

But then there’s this kind of melting of the scene and the two people kissing seems to signify the start of a nasty fight. Perhaps one fella has his hands on another fella’s girl. Never expected the knife to come out, but that’s a credit to the crafting of the poem. You created a build that allowed for this element of surprise to turn everything upside down, which is pretty much what I would expect a scene like this to look like in real life experience. Where everything is great, until it isn’t.

Really enjoyed this and how you managed to create this space that could shift from one thing to another so fluidly and rapidly. Great work.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dee Oddbins

4 Years Ago

thank you so much, Eilis, yes there is a knife culture here in the UK, where a great night out can t.. read more

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2 Reviews
Added on May 31, 2020
Last Updated on May 31, 2020

Author

Dee Oddbins
Dee Oddbins

United Kingdom



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